#i kind of want to answer my own questions now

[iamthedukeofurl]

From my memory, it's really two things. First, they lied. And they didn't just lie, even if you believed their lies, it never really added up to a rationale for a full-scale invasion. Like, the big thing I recall is the talk about WMDs. Did Saddam have WMDs, was he working on WMDs? But I at least don't recall much in the way of constructing an actual argument for invasion itself. This was part of the "War on Terror" Doctrine, which had no actual defined goals or enemy or anything. Bush wanted to invade Iraq, but even if you believed everything he said, he never actually built an argument why Invasion in particular was the best solution. He just kind of said "Sadam's a Bad Guy! He's making WMDs! We have to invade right now!" and then he did. "We don't know why we did it" really means "We don't know why somebody or something didn't stop it from happening", and the answer to THAT question makes Americans uncomfortable. The second aspect of "We don't know why this happened" is that, even if you take the standpoint that the Bush administration really really wanted to invade Iraq, and masterminded a paper-thin justification for doing so, is that history shows us that they didn't really seem to have much of a plan for what to do next. Secure valuable resources? Maybe. Expand American global hegemony? Sure? Nothing about what happened in Iraq is especially surprising considering what the US did there, and it was a disaster. "We don't know why this happened" because we don't know why the people responsible thought this was a good idea. The two things that make the most sense are either 1) They wanted a way to funnel a bunch of taxpayer money to government contractors who supported the war effort, and the carnage and tragedy of a war was worth that. or 2) They were smart enough to force this war through, but dumb enough to buy their own lines about being greeted as liberators, and thought that a US-aligned popular democratic state would spontaneously appear once the bad dictator was gone. And once again, either answer makes Americans very uncomfortable.

I missed most of the Iraq war due to being a baby, but every time I read about it I start wondering why we aren’t all talking about it all of the time

[ttsblogg]

Date Night.

Drew Starkey x f!reader

a/n: drew has me like, “i beg your finest pardon.” the entire time in this fic.. so just a fair warning right now, there is smut in this fic. please read at your own discretion 😀 this is also my first smut fic, apologies if it’s not great.. that’s all, enjoy! - tt 🫧

“You look so good, baby.” Drew blurred out. He’d been admiring Y/n the entire night, as they were on their date tonight at their favorite place downtown L.A. Y/n looked up as she drank her wine, catching his eyes.

“Why thank you, baby.” She said giving him the sweet smile Drew loves. Drew stayed silent and kept moving his eyes from her face down to her neck to her chest. “My eyes are up here, sir.” Y/n said tilting her head at him. Drew chuckled at her comment. “Hmm.” He hummed tilting his head back at her. “I'm sorry. I’m just admiring one of my favorite pair of pillows.” He said. “Debating if I should cum on those or my other favorite pair.” Y/n nearly choked on her pasta. “Drew!” She yelled in whisper. Drew chuckled again and leaned back in his chair. “What? It's a very hard decision.” He said shrugging his shoulders. “You know what? I’ll leave that decision to you. I love when you tell me where to cum. It’s different every time.” he smirked, picking up his wine. Y/n felt her cheeks get warm. “Drew, please.” she said shaking her head. Drew loved seeing how shy she got when he talked ‘dirty’ to her, in a way he felt some pride knowing he was the only one that got to see her like this.

Their waiter approached their table before Drew could say anything else. “How are we doing guys? Can I get a check for you?” They asked. “Yeah, that would be great thank you.” Drew answered. A few moments later, the waiter returned with their bill. As Drew reached down his pocket to grab his wallet and started filling out the receipt, Y/n took this time to have a little fun too, maybe even have her own debate question herself. Feeling the shyness start to leave her body, she bit her lip thinking about what she wanted to do after they’d left the restaurant. Slowly, she moved one foot toward Drew, making contact with his leg under the table. She started moving her foot up and down his leg, teasing him. Drew looked up from the table, “Watch yourself.” He said, his voice was deep and raspy, like he was warning her. Y/n let out a chuckle, never ceasing her actions, like she wanted to taunt him, kind of like what he did to her. She knew what this would lead to, so she didn’t want to stop.

All of a sudden, Drew wrapped his hand around her ankle from under the table, making her stop. “Y/n, I’m not playing.” He said again with his deep voice. He’s getting closer. She thought to herself. Deciding to stop for the moment, she obeyed him and stopped. Shortly after the waiter gave Drew his card back, they both got up from their seat and made their way towards the exit doors. Drew kept his hand dangerously low on her back as they walked, keeping her close to him.

Like a true gentleman, when they got to Drew’s car, he opened the passenger door for Y/n and helped her get in safely before lightly shutting the door. Once he was situated in his seat, they started making their way back to Drew’s apartment. Y/n decided it was the perfect time to continue her little game. “So I did some thinking.” She spoke up. Drew placed his hand on her thigh, “mhm?” He hummed. “What about, baby?” He asked, glancing at her slightly before bringing his eyes back to the road. “About what you said earlier.” She said as they came to a red light. Drew furrowed his eyebrows at her signaling to be more specific. “About where you should cum.” She said looking at him with her signature innocent look on her face.

Drew chuckled with a smirk and began nodding his head, understanding her. “And what’s the verdict?” He asked rubbing her thigh. Y/n bit her lip before responding. “I think you should cum inside me.” She said. Drew paused for a second, then chuckled again. “You’re funny.” He said not taking her decision seriously. She leaned over bringing a hand up unbuttoning two buttons of his shirt. She started rubbing his upper exposed chest and whispered, “I’m serious, I wanna feel your warm cum in me.” Y/n can see drew clench his jaw. Oh we’re super close. She thought to herself again. “Babe, you’re playing a dangerous game right now, you know that?” He asked as pulling into the parking garage. “It’s a game I’m willing to play.” She said leaning back into her seat and unbuckled her seatbelt. She reached over to open her car door only to be stopped by Drew.

“Stay.” He said turning off the car and unbuckled his own seatbelt. He got out of the car and made his was way over to Y/n’s side and opened the door for her, making sure to grab a hold of her hand so that she got out safely. Without another word they both made their way inside the apartment building. As they walked through the lobby, Drew kept his hand on her back, guiding her towards the elevators.

Ding! The elevator doors opened, Drew let Y/n go in first, once he was inside he pressed the button to his floor. Without letting the doors close first, Drew couldn’t handle the tension anymore. He lightly pushed Y/n against the elevator wall, smashing his lips into hers. Y/n moaned at the contact. Drew felt her smile against his lips, he pulled away looking down at her lips. “This what you wanted?” He said gripping her hips, pressing himself on her letting her feel how hard he was. “Hmm? Getting me hard infront of the whole restaurant.” He reached down bundling up her long dress then pulled one of her legs up and wrapped it around him, slowly grinding himself on her. Y/n gasped at the contact, feeling herself getting wetter then before as Drew gripped her bare ass cheek in his hand while the other stayed firmly on her hip. He leaned again to kiss her again. Y/n reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer. Ding! They heard the elevator chimed again.

Drew pulled away from her as the elevator doors slowly started to open. Y/n quickly adjusted her dress, feeling her cheeks warm from how heated she was. She could feel herself pulse from the activities that just took place. Luckily no one was waiting for the elevator as they slowly walked out. She looked up at Drew as they made their way to his door, she couldn’t help but feel her legs get weak just by looking at him. His cheeks just as flushed as hers. They way he clenched his jaw, feeling her stare. When he reached into his pocket, Y/n looked down at the bulge in his pants, she nearly came at the sight.

As they reached his door, Y/n stepped in between him and his door, and started kissing his jaw to his neck. Her hand reached down and started palming his hard on. Drew paused his actions and groaned, placing a hand on the wall to steady himself. “So needy, baby. Couldn’t wait till we got inside?” He said reached a hand up and gripped her jaw pulling her head up to look at him. She bit her lip and shook her head. “How could I when you look this good.” She said. Drew let out a small laugh, “Oh you’re telling me.” He said giving her a peck. “Had to stop myself from taking you on the table at the restaurant.” He whispered, Y/n bit her lip, still palming him making him let a small moan. “Especially after that little stunt you pulled under that table.” He huffed. “Almost like you wanted me to lose it infront of everyone.” Y/n grinned at him. Loving this side of him. She loved antagonizing him.

“Such a bad girl, baby.” He whispered looking down as the way her hand rubbed him slowly. “Look at you, so desperate.” He placed his hand on top of hers, adding more force making him groan again. Y/n let out a chuckle. “But you love it.” She said. Drew looked back up making eye contact with her. There it is. She thought to herself. His eyes were dark and full of lust. “Oh, you’re in for it now.” He said then lifted her up on his shoulder making her giggle. “Drew!” She squealed. He unlocked the door with his keep bringing them inside his apartment. He quickly shut the door and walked over to the kitchen counter, placing Y/n on her feet against the counter.

Drew wasted no time putting his lips on hers, placing his hands on her ass bringing her close to him, making sure there was no space between them. Y/n already had her arms wrapped around his neck doing the same thing. She moaned into their kiss as he continued squeezing her. He started bundling up her dress with one hand and brought his other hand to her clothed pussy making her gasp into their kiss. “Oh fuck.” Drew groaned. “Acting all shy in public but look at you.” He pulled away from their kiss to look down at how she soaked up his fingers. “So wet n’ ready for me.” He said making her moan again. “Fuck Drew please.” She huffed. “What is it baby? Tell me what you want.” He whispered placing small pecks down her jaw to her neck. “I need you, right now.” She moaned.

Drew lifted her dress over her head and turned her around, lightly pushing her down so she leaned her stomach on the counter top. He paused at the sight, moving forward so his hips met hers. “So fucking gorgeous.” He whispered lightly slapping her ass. He loved the way she moved her hips side to side. So needy. He thought to himself. She started grinding herself on him trying to find some relief. Drew started unbuttoning his shirt, letting her continue her actions. That was until her saw her reached a hand down to touch herself through her panties. He reached under to grab her wrist to stop her. “Don’t.” He said in a firm voice. She placed her hands on the counter top and looked back at him. “M’taken too long.” She said. Drew grinned at her. “You want it?” He said antagonizing her. She nodded. “M’okay, but you’re going to take it then.” He said unbuckling belt. “Better not try to pull away when you can’t handle it anymore.” He said pulling down his pants along with his boxers, letting his hard swollen cock spring out. “You asked for it.” He said before pulling her panties to the side.

Y/n leaned back down on the counter, keeping her hands on top to steady herself. Drew rubbed the tip of his cock on her slit causing Y/n to gasp at the contact. Slowly he started inserting himself in her. Drew can feel her clench around him as she took him in completely. “Oh fuck.” Y/n moaned. Without letting her adjust to him, he started pounding into her.

All you could hear were the sounds of skin slapping against each other along with moans and groans echoing in Drew’s apartment. “So fucking wet, baby.” Drew looked down to see his cock completely glazed every time he’d pull out. “You like when I talk to you this why?” He groaned. Y/n moaned in response, unable to come up with words. All she could think about was the way his cock filled her up. The way he was starting to hit her spot. “Hm? Got you all worked up, you can’t answer me?” He asked. Still thrusting himself into her, he pulled her up so her back met his chest. She hooked her arm around his neck and turned her head to look up at him. “What’s up, baby? Can’t take it?” He asked looking at her face. It was filled with so much pleasure. They way her mouth curved into a smile, trying to respond but would be replaced with a moan. “M’fuck Drew, I’m gonna cum.” She finally let out. She moved back down to the counter, placing one arm on top for leverage and her other hand holding Drew’s wrist, feeling herself reaching her climax.

“Yeah? Cum for me, baby. C’mon.” He said pounding harder into her. Y/n felt the knot in her stomach quickly come undone as she started cuming. “F-fuck.” She moaned, gripping his wrist harder. Barely recovering from her ending point, all of a sudden drew pulled out of her and turned her around to pick her up and carried her to his sofa. “Not done with you yet.” Drew said laying her down on the couch and immediately inserting himself in her. Y/n gasped, “f-fu-too much Drew.” She groaned as he starting thrusting into her again. Drew placed one of her legs over his shoulder, giving him access to go deeper and leaned down to meet her gaze, “I told you, you were going to take it baby.” He whispered, giving her peck. “Said you wanted to play right?” He said giving her kisses down her neck to her chest. The only response he got from her were moans that echoed throughout the apartment.

He began sucking on her breast, giving them the attention they’ve been craving and brought a hand down to her pussy rubbing her clit. Y/n arched her back. “Ohh g-god, babyy.” She moaned loudly lacing her fingers in between Drew’s hair while her other hand clawed at his bicep. “M’could feel you clenching, baby. You’re so close.” He smirked sitting back up on his knees. “Fuck yes.” She managed to say holding herself up by her elbows and looked down where their bodies connected. Drew’s smirk never left his face as he slowly watched her come undone. “Oh my god. I'm c-cumming.” She moaned leaned back down with her back arched. She brought a hand down to Drew’s wrist trying to stop him from rubbing her sensitive clit. He removed her hand, placing it on her stomach. "Just like that baby, coat my fucking cock." He moaned as she came, her legs shook in the process. Drew leaned down again taking her lips in his. She let out a satified moan as they continued kissing.

Without pulling out of her, he grabbed a hold of her arms bringing her up with him. She furrowed her eyebrows at him making Drew smirk. "Ride me." he said leaning himself on the couch setting her on top of him. Y/n huffed with faint smile. "I can't." she said honestly. Drew leaned up capturing her lips again. "Thought you wanted to play, baby." he said before leaning back against the couch. "I'll help you if you can't anymore, c'mon." he said moving his hips up against hers. He's going to be the death if me. Y/n thought to herself. She leaned into Drew placing her hands on chest and shoulders for leverage as she started rocking her hips against his.

Drew let out a low moan as she continued grinding on him. He reached up and cupped one of her breast, leaning into her, he took the other breast in his mouth, sucking on her nipple. Y/n moaned placing her hands on his knees, arching her back slightly, giving Drew more access. She started moving in a up and down motion now, feeling the same knot again for the third time. "F-fuck, baby." She moaned placing a hand on her pussy as it started to feel warm from how much it was being penetrated. "You got it, baby. Doing so good." He said encouraged her holding her up from her hips, trying to relieve some of the tension on her thighs. "Taking me in so good." He said feeling the way she started clenching around him again. Drew could feel himself start to reach his ending point too. "Fuckk, come here." He said pulling her into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, placing her head on his shoulder. Drew wrapped an arm around her waist while the other held her up by her hip and started thrusting upwards in fast motion. "Oh my-yes, baby. Right there." Y/n moaned into his ear, unwrapping her arms from his neck and squeezed his shoulders. "Yeah? You like that, baby?" he groaned. " Yes-oh my-." She couldn’t finish her sentence. Drew already knew what she was going to say as she started clenching him harder. "Cum, baby. C'mon you got it." he said looking up at her face. He loved watching the way she came undone. He loved the way she'd arch her back with her mouth wide open, staying silent for a moment before moaning loudly as she came. Y/n gasped as she felt herself cum all over his cock again for the third time. She knew Drew was close to cumming too so with small strength she had left she started rocking her hips on him again, faster than earlier. Drew moaned gripping her hips tighter. "Ahh fuck." he groaned. "Cum in me, baby." Y/n moaned placing a hand on his jaw. Drew locked eyes with her. "F-fuck. You mean it?" he asked. Y/n smirked, "Yes, Drew. I want to feel your cum, please." She said.

Drew gripped her hips again making her grind on him even faster. It didn’t take long for him to cum in her. "Oh fuck, baby." he moaned with his eyes closed shut. He held her hips down, stopping her from moving as he shot up in her. Y/n sighed with a smile loving the feeling of his warm cum inside her.

Drew finally opened his eyes after a couple seconds, seeing the satisfied smile on Y/n's face. "That what you wanted?" He asked leaning up to kiss her. Y/n moaned against his lips. "Yes." She answered. Drew smirked. "Such a dirty girl, wanting me to cum inside you." he said leaning back down on the couch admiring the way she looked on top of him. Y/n gave him a tired smile as they locked eyes for a moment. "So fucking pretty." he added rubbing his hands on her sore thighs.

Y/n looked down noticing her panties were still on. She chuckled. “You could’ve at least taken off my underwear you know.” She said. “There was no time. Gettin’ me all worked up, faster this way.” He said. “Plus looks hotter.” He smirked. Y/n chuckled at his response. “Such a freak, babe.” She said leaning her head on his chest. “Says the one that wanted me to cum inside her.” He said. Y/n lightly smacked his chest. “Take me upstairs.” She chuckled. Drew gladly wrapped her legs around his waist and started making his way up the stairs to his room. “Round 4 in the shower?” He asked. “Alright relax, Joseph.” She said making Drew laugh.

“Well… maybe.” She said.

[vaginalvr]

oh my gosh the gif where you asked for requests, it has me thinking. perhaps like a spencer x bau! reader and it’s just kinda pillow talk and where they sort of talk about the future, ya know like getting married and having kids type of stuff.

i supposeeeeeeee 🤗🤗🤗

a/n This is super cutie. enjoy!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN! Come submit an idea :)

cw: Emotional intimacy, mild suggestive content, but mostly soft and romantic

The case had drained you both—physically, emotionally. One of those long, exhausting weeks where sleep was fleeting and grief clung to your clothes like smoke. But the worst was over. The unsub was in custody. The family would get answers. The BAU jet was quiet on the flight home, everyone lost in their own silence.

Now, hours later, you’re wrapped up in a pair of Spencer’s sweatpants and one of his old cardigans, warm skin still humming from the shower, your body curled against his under the comforter.

The room is dim, moonlight pooling through the window. Spencer’s lying on his side, propped on one elbow, his fingers lazily stroking the bare skin of your arm. Your head rests on his chest, right over the steady beat of his heart.

Neither of you has said much since you got home—just a few soft kisses, a murmured “I love you,” the kind of quiet that only happens when you don’t need words to feel safe.

But now, as your limbs tangle beneath the sheets and sleep threatens, his voice finds you.

“Do you ever think about what comes after this?”

You tilt your head, chin resting on his ribs. “After what?”

“This,” he says softly, gesturing at nothing in particular. “The BAU. Chasing monsters. Jet lag and cold coffee and hotel rooms.”

You hum, shifting so you can meet his eyes. They’re thoughtful, distant in the way they get when his mind is half in a memory and half in the future. You reach up and trace your fingers down his jaw, gently grounding him.

“Sometimes,” you admit. “I used to be scared to.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t think I’d get an after,” you whisper. “Before you… I didn’t picture anything past the next case.”

Spencer’s eyes soften, and he brings your hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle slowly. “Me too.”

The silence that follows is full of understanding. You’ve both seen things that make the idea of ‘later’ feel fragile. But here, wrapped in each other, it feels possible.

“I think about it all the time now,” he says. “Not in a desperate way. Just… little flashes.”

“Like what?”

Spencer smiles, that boyish curve of his lips that still melts your heart. “Like you in a wedding dress. A quiet ceremony. Maybe just us and the team. And then this ridiculous honeymoon where we forget how to do anything except be happy.”

Your breath catches a little. He says it so casually, like he’s just listing grocery items. But you can see the honesty in his eyes.

“You want to get married?” you ask softly, more touched than surprised.

He gives you a look. “Of course I do. I’ve been in love with you for three years. I want everything with you.”

You blink back the sudden sting in your eyes, smile wobbling. “Well, you’re in luck. I want everything with you too.”

Spencer’s hand rests over your stomach, fingers idly brushing beneath the hem of your shirt. “Do you think we’ll know when it’s time to stop chasing monsters?”

You exhale, thinking. “I don’t know if we ever really stop. But I think someday we’ll want to stay. To build something instead of always cleaning up after what’s broken.”

He nods. “Yeah. I want that. A house. Not too big. Maybe a porch. Some bookshelves I can overfill.”

You grin. “You’ll overfill every room.”

He chuckles softly, then quiets, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Do you want kids?”

The question lands gently, not like a bomb but like something sacred. Something careful. You swallow around the lump in your throat.

“I think I do,” you whisper. “I used to say I wasn’t sure. Too dangerous. Too messy. But lately… I see a life with you, and it feels different. Like it’s something we could protect.”

Spencer’s eyes shine in the moonlight. “You’d be such a good mom.”

You snort softly. “Yeah? Even when I swear like a sailor and get hangry on stakeouts?”

He laughs. “Especially then. You’re real. You care so deeply. I see it every day. And any kid would be lucky to grow up with you as their mother.”

You press a kiss to his collarbone, overwhelmed with love. “What about you? Think you could handle the chaos?”

His smile fades into something more vulnerable. “I used to be terrified I’d turn into my mom. That I’d pass something down without meaning to. But now… I think I’d be okay. Not because I’d be perfect. But because I’d have you. And because I’d try.”

Your heart swells at the tenderness in his voice.

“You’d be the most loving dad,” you say, fingertips brushing through his curls. “You’d read them stories with all the voices. Make them pancakes shaped like animals. Teach them to be kind and curious.”

Spencer closes his eyes, like he’s imagining it. “I want to teach them chess. And long division. And how to spot a lie.”

You laugh quietly. “You’d turn them into little profilers.”

“Just the healthy kind,” he promises. “Smart, but not afraid to feel things. I want them to know it’s okay to cry. That being strong doesn’t mean being silent.”

You rest your forehead against his. “We’d build something beautiful.”

He nods, and his voice goes soft. “You make everything feel possible.”

You lie there for a while, breathing each other in, wrapped in a future that hasn’t happened yet but feels real enough to touch.

After a few minutes, Spencer murmurs, “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

“I already have a ring.”

You pull back just enough to look him in the eye, heart stuttering. “You what?”

He smiles sheepishly. “I’ve had it for a few months. I’ve just been waiting. For the right time. The right moment.”

You stare at him, heart thudding wildly. “Spencer…”

“I wasn’t going to do it tonight,” he adds quickly, voice warm and calming. “Not like this. Not after a long case, in bed with no grand gesture. But now that we’re talking about the future, it feels silly to keep it a secret.”

You bite your lip, eyes stinging again. “Is it weird that I love that you told me like this?”

He shakes his head, brushing your cheek. “No. Because this—us, talking about our lives in bed, dreaming together—this is what I want forever to feel like.”

You lean in and kiss him, slow and deep, full of promise.

When you break apart, you whisper against his lips, “So… when you do ask, I’ll say yes.”

Spencer smiles against your mouth. “Good. Because I plan on asking a hundred times over the years. Just to hear you say it again.”

You laugh, pulling him close, and he settles into the crook of your body, arms tight around you.

The future is still uncertain. The work is still hard. But for the first time in a long time, you feel like it’s okay to dream. To imagine wedding rings and bedtime stories and messy pancakes on Sunday mornings. A life that’s more than surviving.

And in Spencer’s arms, you know—whatever comes next, you’ll face it together.

[linderosse]

For me, Link and Zelda from the Skyward Sword story are my favorite versions, I really like this kind of doomed love, but I always felt that Zelda's character had more room to develop. Like, can she remember her past memories of being a goddess? Does she feel guilty for taking advantage of Link? Will she be able to get along with the rest of her companions as she once did when she returns to Skyloft? or will her people begin to worship her as a true god? And Link, what would he think?

This is a very, very good question!!!

I’ve been saving it in my inbox for quite a while— but now I finally get to answer it.

Sun is a complex character for sure.

She’s Hylia reborn; the incarnation of the goddess who fought the first Imprisoning War. She remembers most of it— the war, and how it ended. But like she says in the game, she’s also still herself; still sunshine and clouds and freedom and sass; still the same Zelda that Sky fell in love with. She is both at once, and that kind of contradiction has the potential to weigh someone down.

Fortunately, Sun in Wisdomverse has had a lot of time since her adventure to figure out how she feels about her new/old identity. She’s long since made peace with that duality, and is comfortable being both Hylia and Zelda.

However, various others across the eras may react to her differently because of her identity as the goddess Hylia.

Let’s go over them!

(Warning: This is pretty long, but I had a lot of fun writing it. Enjoy!

And don’t worry, there’s a tl;dr at the end for the folks who want it. :)

The people of Skyloft

I’d say most everyone is now aware that Sun is Hylia reborn. Some of the townsfolk do revere her as a goddess, but others treat her mostly the same. Sun usually prefers that, since it can be difficult to form connections when people put you on a pedestal. Her closest friends know that, and hang out with her as normal.

Sun also makes an effort to be a leader as well as a goddess. Her status as an incarnation of Hylia gives her an advantage, but she still has to work to earn people’s trust— especially with a proposition as bold as moving to the world below. Right now, she’s focused on building a life for her people on the surface. More on that in Wisdomverse :).

Wild

This is also why, in the Wild|Sun comic, Sun refers to the past actions of the goddess in third person. Wild knows that Sun’s the reincarnation of Hylia (in TotK, the goddess statues’ voice will remind him of her). But Sun doesn’t want to remind him of that at the moment; doesn’t want her identity as the goddess to put distance between them.

Still, when Sun speaks, she does so with the authority of Hylia herself. She can truly attest to Hylia’s faith in the heroes who share the spirit of the man she loves. Wild knows that, and appreciates the reassurance.

Sky

Sky has long since forgiven Sun for “using him.” He doesn’t regret the adversity he faced, and he would do it again in a heartbeat. Sun was always a goddess to him.

But Sun hasn’t fully forgiven herself for Hylia’s plan; for leveraging Sky’s emotions to get what she needed and save the world. She reckons a fragment of that guilt will always be lodged in her soul.

Flora

Wild is at least mildly religious, but Flora is not. Flora believes that the goddess existed, of course, but she no longer prays to her, and prefers to live life on her own terms.

Flora hasn’t yet worked out what to think of Sun as a goddess, now that they’ve met. They’re friends, and they still hang out, but that internal tension still pulls at Flora— the question of “For all those years, why didn’t you help me?” Wild privately thinks that the goddess tried; and was able to help Flora release her abilities when it mattered most. But that isn’t enough for Flora. Flora has currently compartmentalized it— treating Sun and Hylia as two different people. Eventually, though, Flora will need to search for answers: with Sun, and within herself. Sun does not know that Flora feels this way.

Wild again

For that matter, it was probably really strange for Wild, the first time he met Sun. Kind of like if a mildly religious modern Christian got to have a chat and go skydiving with Jesus. I’m not Christian, but I am religious, so I can imagine how weird but potentially cool that might be.

This is actually a thing for a lot of Links and Zeldas in Wisdomverse/LU; many of them get to meet their heroes. Dawn meeting Fable for the first time probably felt something like an American meeting George Washington— same thing with Hyrule and Legend, or Legend and Four.

Of course, there’s a bit of tension there for some of the other pairs, due to relevant events. It’ll be fun exploring that when the time comes— in both The Secrets We Keep, and in Wielders of Wisdom :).

Tl;dr:

In short, it’s clear that Sun remembers.

In Wisdomverse, she has access to some of the memories and a portion of the powers she did as Hylia (like the sealing ability she used in Wielders of Wisdom Ch1), but she prefers people to treat her as Zelda most of the time.

Sky has forgiven her for using him, but Sun hasn’t forgiven herself. Wild thinks she’s cool, and Flora has a bit of repressed frustration about her. The people of Skyloft appreciate her, but still wouldn’t blindly follow what she says.

Sun is both Hylia and herself at once, and comfortable in that identity.

She’s one person— she’s Zelda— and that’s enough for her :).

Masterpost

[whispersleo]

The joyous wyvern - the free book

You can find it in this drive folder!

Hello! Today I’m very excited to finally share this final project in my editorial design specialization: a children’s storybook album, inspired by the dialogue in The Wake written by Mary Kirby, where Illario talks about the time he went with Lucanis to hunt wyverns as children. I must mention that I took the liberty of introducing my own headcanon about their ages, with Illario being the oldest, because Lucanis strikes me as having a very clear "younger brother" behavior.

For this project, I’ve poured blood, sweat, and tears into it. I ended up doing absolutely everything myself when my classmate, who was supposed to help me with the layout for her part of the team project, just decided not to, but I feel content enough with the result to share it. Originally in Spanish, I translated and edited it into English so more people can enjoy it!

There’s a lot I’d like to say, I’ll be posting some sketches, the development process, the designs, and my usual notes [here], and I can answer any questions you might have about the project in the editorial area (or anything else about the project really), but for this post in particular, I just want to give you full, free access to this illustrated book and thank you because this has been on my mind and occupying my time for the last six months.

First, thank you to everyone in this amazing fandom who has supported my creative projects, whether by leaving kudos on AO3, liking my posts here on Tumblr, leaving comments, sending messages, or any form of support! You motivate me to create every day, make me feel welcome, and it’s so nice to be here.

Thanks to @woundedsoul12 for being the first person to welcome me to the fandom, read my works, and be vocal with me about it! In the beginning, I was so afraid of writing again, of making mistakes in some way, and I was very shy about showing what I was doing, but thanks to you, I’ve been able to gain confidence. Without your support, I don’t think I would have decided to keep creating for this fandom. You’ve allowed people to get to know me and have been incredibly kind about me and my work. I owe you so many thanks, I hope you never change, you’re an amazing person!

Thanks to @theheartmold for getting me interested in Illario as a character. Without your posts sharing your interest in the character, your analysis, and your overall enthusiasm, I honestly wouldn’t have been interested in reading Tevinter Nights or The Wake. After two playthroughs in the game, you made me decide to sit down and see that Illario had MUCH more to offer than his tragic portrayal in Veilguard. Maybe I don’t interact much with you, but I definitely wanted to let you know that without your posts, this illustrated story and in general, my content about Illario Dellamorte wouldn’t exist. You introduced me to my new favorite character, thank you so much!

And again, thanks to EVERYONE who has ever interacted with my work and with me as a person! Who has liked my art, fanfics, whatever! I hope you can now enjoy having this book that I give you with so much, so much happiness and love!

[aleese1111]

the check up | na baek jin x fem!reader

summary: Sent by Mr. Choi to check up on her, Baek Jin arrives to find her lounging provocatively by the pool, teasing him with every move. As their playful tension builds, their flirtation suddenly takes a sharp turn, leaving the air thick with unspoken promises and the lingering question—will they cross the line, or will something stop them at the last moment?

warnings: suggestive content, forbidden romance, mdni.

author's note: im gonna eat him upppp... his scrumptious soft looking lips. requests

✶ ᶻz .ᐟ , one .. two .. ??

the sky was so blue it hurt to look at. the sun poured down like molten gold, bleaching the pale marble that ringed the massive pool behind the estate. it was the kind of afternoon that made the air shimmer, the cicadas hum louder, and idleness feel almost erotic.

she was sprawled on her stomach across a lounger by the pool, her body barely covered in the smallest bikini she owned—black, strappy, sinful. the strings curved high over her hips, the top a daring arrangement of triangles and hope. she lounged like she ruled the estate, sunglasses perched on her nose, her skin glistening with tanning oil. a half-melted glass of something cold and citrusy sat within arm’s reach, untouched.

two maids were folding towels and adjusting umbrellas nearby, talking quietly.

the heavy wrought-iron gate at the side of the estate creaked open.

she didn’t lift her head. she didn’t need to.

the footsteps that followed were slow, deliberate. a man’s pace. familiar weight.

she smiled to herself. “unless you’re here to oil my back,” she said, voice syrup-smooth, “walk away.”

a pause.

“no oil,” came that deep voice, steady as always. “just me.”

now, she moved.

without glancing at the maids, she flicked two fingers in the air—a lazy, deliberate gesture. a queen dismissing her audience.

the maids paused, exchanged a knowing look, and swiftly made themselves scarce, disappearing through the house with trained silence. by the time she slid her sunglasses down to glance up, only he remained.

“tch. even worse.”

he stepped into view, casting a long shadow across her sunbed. he looked like a disruption—black slacks, crisp white shirt rolled to the elbows, collar loosened just slightly. the light caught the veins in his forearms. his expression, as always, was unreadable. but his gaze? absolutely not.

she could feel it on her skin. the heat of it.

“uncle send you to check if i drowned?” she asked, flipping her sunglasses up with one finger and glancing up at him from under her lashes.

he didn’t answer immediately. his eyes moved slowly—down the elegant line of her spine, the dip of her waist, the curve of her ass just barely covered by her bikini bottoms.

“something like that,” he said finally, his voice lower now. “he wanted to make sure you’re behaving.”

she smirked, shifting slightly so the top of her thighs lifted, arching just enough to tease. “define behaving.”

his eyes lingered on the movement before he looked away like it cost him. “no fires. no scandals. no bodies.”

“well,” she said with a sigh, “two out of three isn’t bad.”

he didn’t laugh. but his mouth twitched.

she flipped onto her back slowly, letting her legs part just slightly, one bent at the knee. her bikini strained with the movement, barely containing her.

“you’re staring,” she murmured, not looking at him.

“you’re impossible to ignore.”

she smiled up at the sky. “good.”

his voice darkened. “do you always sunbathe like this?”

“only when i want to be seen.”

his gaze swept over her again. “you’d get arrested if you stepped outside the gate.”

“but i didn’t,” she said, lifting her head and meeting his gaze directly. “you came inside.”

another pause. tighter this time.

“you do this often?” he asked, cocking a brow. “lay out half-naked knowing someone might walk in?”

she propped herself up on her elbows, legs still stretched out and gleaming under the sun. “only when i hope it’s you who walks in.”

the admission hung in the air between them like smoke. heavy. tainted with something electric.

he didn’t move closer, but he didn’t move away either. he watched her like he was waiting for her to blink first.

“you really don’t care who sees, do you?”

“there’s no one left to see,” she murmured, tilting her head. “i sent them away the second i saw it was you.”

his jaw twitched. “dangerous habit.”

“is it?” she sat up now, her thighs parting, body angled toward him, unbothered by the exposure. “you think i can’t handle the consequences?”

“i think,” he said slowly, “you like to see how far you can push me.”

“i think,” she countered, rising to her feet in one graceful movement, “you like being pushed.”

he said nothing. his eyes followed her as she walked up to him—hips rolling with every step, the pool water glistening off her skin.

when she stopped in front of him, chest nearly brushing his, she reached up and plucked an imaginary speck of lint from his shirt. “all this tension,” she whispered, eyes locked on his lips. “and for what?”

baek jin said her name lowl and intensely, yet softly

“you can say my name softer than that,” she teased, fingers trailing down the line of his tie.

he caught her wrist before it dipped any lower. not rough. but firm.

“if i touch you, i won’t stop.”

“i’m not asking you to.”

“mr. choi-”

“isn’t here.”

“that doesn’t mean he won’t find out.”

she leaned in, breath ghosting across his jaw. “then you’d better make it worth the fallout.”

he exhaled slowly, the kind of breath that came from effort. restraint. he looked down at her—defiant, seductive, deliciously untouchable.

and she smirked like she knew she had him by the throat.

“still pretending you don’t want me?” she asked, voice just above a whisper.

his fingers tightened on her wrist.

“still pretending you’re not dying to find out what i taste like?” she continued.

“you’re spoiled,” he said, but his voice was hoarse now.

“i’m insatiable,” she corrected.

and then she leaned up, brushing her lips just barely against his. not a kiss—just a dare.

a test.

he didn’t fail.

his mouth crashed down on hers, rough and unyielding, like the dam had broken. her arms went around his neck instantly, pulling him closer, mouths locked in something hot and devastating.

she moaned into it, soft but eager, her hands fisting his shirt as he walked her backward toward the lounger. when her legs hit the edge, he broke the kiss, breathing hard.

she looked up at him, lips swollen, hair a mess, eyes gleaming with challenge.

“so much for self-control.”

he looked down at her like he wanted to devour her. “i haven’t even started.”

✶ ᶻz .ᐟ , one .. two .. ??

[rs-hawk]

Nobleman Minotaur: Part Ten

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Your father wasn't pleased, but he did make the announcement that your husband would be Asterion. Many of the bachelors were angry, calling for answers and sharing their distain. None more than one Athenian, however.

His name was Theseus. He was young, early 20s at most, and undeniably handsome. The smoothness of his jaw made him look younger, as many of the men did grow out their beards, but not him. With his clean shaven face, short, curly dark hair and deep, dark eyes, now pulled into a scowl, he did catch your attention. Your eyes locked as you stood on stage beside your father.

There was something vile that lurked in his dark eyes. It made your skin crawl despite his handsome face. Without uttering a word, you knew that he was the kind of man to take what he wanted, the cost to others be damned. Your eyes flickered to the tent where Asterion was resting. You caught Theseus looking the same way.

After your father made his announcement, your mother kissed your cheek and simply told you she wished for you to be happy. The slight smile you gave her seemed to quell her worries because she turned away. By this point, many of the men had left, but not Theseus. He was still standing at the edge of the makeshift podium your father had made for the royal family to observe from.

"You're going to choose that man eating beast to be King?" he sneered when you locked eyes with him.

There was a lump in your throat. Of course you had known that someone was going to be angry, to question you, but you still hated it. "You don't understand what he had to go through," you finally said, pushing your shoulders back just enough to not let the anger bubbling in your stomach be obvious. The way your chin lifted gave you a regal air. "My choice is mine and mine alone."

He scoffed, sheathing his sword with a loud metallic sound. "I don't know what he had to go through? If that beast hadn't killed Minos, then I would have been in the next group fed to it."

"He is not an it," you snapped, your tone harsh. "And that wasn't his fault. He was only trying to survive. He didn't have a choice."

Theseus smirked, his full, plump lips pulling into a mocking form. "Of course. Animals will typically do anything to ensure their own survival."

That was something you refused to dignify with a response. Instead you turned on your heel, making your way back to the medic tent. Asterion grinned when he saw you, his dark eyes wide with excitement and relief.

"I heard your father making the announcement," he said, reaching out a large hand to curl his large fingers around yours. "You truly meant it. You are going to marry me."

"I am," you whispered, pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand before squeezing it back.

"Many will be angry," he said, his eyes searching your face. "A beast on the throne? It could even cause a panic."

"You are a demigod," you said, cupping his cow face with your small hand. The fur tickled your fingers. "I don't care what anyone says. You are not a beast. You are my fiancé."

[zepskies]

@lamentationsofalonelypotato

Aw that makes me so happy, friend! Thank you!! 🥹💓💓

I love hunter!readers, but the soft!readers really have my heart. Not that a hunter!reader couldn't be soft per say, but I just love how cutesy she is.

Oh yeah, totally love the hunters to lovers dynamic, but I love writing women that can be strong and have moments of vulnerability. And thank you!! This reader has a special place in my heart now lol 💕

You're so right. Benny should have asked more questions!! Benny should have had the talk with Dean and if he is Dean's best friend he should have known. It kinda makes it sadder though. But I'll bet the epilogue kinda explains that a bit too 🥰 But at the same time yes, Benny was a good guy for stepping up and stepping in.

Oh you're right, it does make it sadder because everyone had a choice here and an opportunity to talk it out. 😭 But yes, doesn't change the fact that Benny was a good man to the reader and Robbie. ❤️❤️ (Oh yeah, the epilogue will def get into that part of the Benny storyline. ❤️)

It really is. I bet that Ben/Soldier Boy would let his kid watch something too soon and then live with the consequences when he can't have sex with the reader for a month because the kid sleeps in the bed with them 🤣

Omfgggg HE SO WOULD. 🤣🤣 He'd be all "What's the big fucking deal?" Until his evening "plans" are ruined by his poor traumatized child getting in between. And reader going, "See??" as she holds the baby instead of him. 🤣

Don't be sorry, near-death experiences that make people realize they love one another is the kind of angst I live for LOL

Ahahaha same though 😈

It really was wonderfully realistic- all the emotions all the drama, it was beautiful! I also think that it resonates more that way- making it about the internal and external struggle with relationships rather than some big-bad to fight. Because sometimes the big-bad is the little voice inside that makes you push everything down or sometimes the big-bad is you? If that makes sense lol.

Oh thank you, my lovely. I really appreciate that, and that you think it resonates more that way. 🥹❤️ And yes that very much is the crux of this story -- that sometimes you're your own worst enemy, and sometimes you stumble and fall on your face and hurt the people around you, however unintentionally. It takes a lot of growing and maturing to figure out this thing called life. 💜

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that happened when I was in my two weeks off period 😅 But I don't think it's so much as you not having 'thick skin' or being 'defensive'- I see it more as you being open to the criticism, but them not giving you anything constructive. If someone says 'oh that's stupid' but then don't tell you why, it becomes more about the writer than what they wrote.

Oh sorry! I can't remember if we talked about it or not. Really it wasn't even worth getting into anyway. However that's how I felt about it. There's a big difference between constructive criticism and criticism.

But oh yeah no. The fact that they felt the need to also send in an ask criticizing you even more is just uncalled for. I don't blame you for answering it, it would have annoyed me too- especially because lately I feel like the meaner anons think they're helping writers by being super rude?

Oh yeah, some anons get spicy with it lmao. I tend hit them back with, if you really believe you're right and want me to take you seriously, say it with your chest and talk to me non-anonymously. It's a kind of entitled behavior. We write what we want to write.

Yes exactly! The AU is "different!" It's more about the relationships and drama and miscommunication! (slightly mad at you for that last one jkjk 🤣) AU's are supposed to be different, that's literally it- alternate universe. Which is why they didn't like it, because they didn't understand it. 😬

Exaaactly! (ahaha I wouldn't blame you for being mad! Dean and reader both are super frustrating in this. 🤣🤣) Yeah, you're probably right about that. At the end of the day, we can't please everybody, nor should we try to. 🤷🏽‍♀️

But you're welcome! I really did enjoy it and I'll bet the epilogue is going to be amazing! 💗

Aww thank you, my lovely! You're always so supportive and I appreciate you so much. 💕💕

IF I STAY - Part 2

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized!Reader

Summary: Your dream is to work with kids as an elementary school teacher. Dean is well on his way to becoming a firefighter, keeping things light and “strings unattached” as he goes. After a one-night stand you never saw coming, you and Dean are forced to deal with the consequences…and figure out if the connection between you is worth fighting for.

AN: Deep breaths Are you ready for a rollercoaster of emotions? 😘❤️

Song Inspo: “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “It’s Now or Never” by Elvis

Word Count: 13.1K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, pregnancy feels, hurt/comfort, fluff, time jumps and flashbacks, sexual tension, mutual pining, spice~, and an ending…

❤️‍🔥 If I Stay Masterlist

Part 2: It’s Now or Never

At the doctor’s office, Dean goes in with you for the first trimester ultrasound. There you learn that you’re going to have a boy. Tears well up in your eyes and slip down your cheeks.

Dean wears a look of amazement as he sits on the edge of your bed. He takes up your hand and squeezes gently. He tries to be a strong support, even though he also tries to hide the fear that begins to churn in his gut.

For one of the first times in his life since Sam was born, he feels the weight of responsibility pressing down on him. In a good way. In a fucking scary way.

He looks at you and sees the wonder written across your face while you watch the tiny shape of your baby on the screen. His heartbeat thwaps fast and loud in the speakers.

Dean realizes something else then; the decision you're making is changing the course of your whole damn life…and it’s his fault.

With his weekly hookup rate, in the very back shelves of his mind he knew something like this could happen, even though he thought he'd been careful. (Apparently, condoms are fragile little shits.) But here, in this white wall-to-wall room that smells like hospital antiseptic, that thwap thwap thwap of a heartbeat reverberating in his ears, the reality of this is crashing hard on his shoulders and rattling down to the base of his spine.

Despite his earlier happiness, those thoughts stay with him when you two eventually get back into his car. You have the pictures of the sonogram in your hands. You smile down at them before you put them back in your purse for safekeeping.

However, you notice Dean’s sudden melancholy as he stares out at the road. He’s started the car, but he hasn’t moved to pull out of the parking lot yet.

“Hey, you okay?” you say, resting a gentle hand on his arm.

Dean shakes his head. “Look…I’m sorry for tossing a giant friggin’ monkey wrench into your life. I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”

If possible, your heart softens even more. You slide your hand down to grasp his.

“Dean, this baby wasn’t planned, but he’s not a mistake,” you say. “I don’t regret anything.”

Dean stares back at you, incredulously. He can’t believe you could really say that to him. He doesn’t know what to say. He only knows what’s in his mind, and what he feels compelled to do in that moment.

He leans over and kisses you. It’s a firm meeting of his lips to yours and achingly familiar. But ultimately, it’s chaste. He pulls away and settles back in his seat.

When you blink your eyes back open, your expression is slack in shock.

“I’m sorry,” he says, seeming sheepish, and guilty. “I meant to say thank you. Just didn’t know any other way to say it.”

After a moment, you smile at him. It’s warm and almost shy.

Dean clears his throat, trying to ignore the way his face is heating up. He doesn’t say anything more. He just takes the wheel and shifts gears, pulling the car out of the parking lot. 

You don’t know what possesses you to bake cookies. Dozens and dozens of them, all the chocolate chip cookie recipes you can find. You’re in search of the perfect one. This will be the recipe your son will grow up on, and every time he eats them, he’ll remember how much you loved him.

And then, he’ll be ruined for any other chocolate chip cookies that try to grab his taste buds. He’ll say, Blech. Chips Ahoy? These aren’t as good as Mom makes!

…Or something like that.

Yes, these cookies have to be perfect. You’ll even write the ingredients down on a notecard and hide it away, and it’ll become your family secret recipe.

Once you feel like your cookie game is strong enough, you decide to test these babies out. You bring two dozen painstakingly baked confections to Firehouse 83, where Dean works. The man is a bottomless pit, to be sure, but you also want other people’s unbiased opinions. For science.

You park your car on the side of the road, making sure you’re not blocking the driveway where two huge fire trucks are parked. You head inside the firehouse with your big container under your arm and your purse on the other. Now at seven months into your pregnancy, you’ve gotten to the embarrassing “waddle” stage.

You’re still determined to be active though! You plan to keep working until you have the baby. Your parents live a few hours away, but you’re grateful that they want to help out as much as possible.

Even though they weren’t happy to hear about how you got pregnant, by now they've met Dean and begrudgingly admitted to liking him. He's really stepped up to the responsibility of a future father, insisting on baby-proofing your apartment, helping you shop for the essentials, and going with you to as many doctor’s appointments as he can. He’s even agreed to giving you child support payments, even though you hadn’t wanted to ask for it.

You look for him now as you enter the firehouse, trying to push the heavy glass door open with one hand.

“Here, I got you,” says a familiar baritone voice.

You’re pleasantly surprised at the man who helps you inside.

“Benny! It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, been…a while,” he chuckles, glancing down at the swell of your belly, but he squeezes your shoulder and leans in to hug you gently.

“Dean filled you in?” you ask. You hope so. Having to explain the story to one of his own friends would be embarrassing, especially since this is the man you walked in Sam’s wedding with. It reminds you of that day, and the way you told Dean that news in a glorified closet, with shaking hands and the wrong kind of butterflies.

Thankfully, Benny nods. “That he did…but come on, I’ll show you around. And I see you’ve brought somethin’ special for us?”

He gestures at the container you're holding and offers to take it off your hands. You give it to him, grateful for the help.

“Yeah, and I want you guys to give me your honest opinion.”

Benny tosses you a wink and a smile. “That I can do.”

Your cheeks begin to warm in a blush, but the way he helps you to a comfy couch in the common room earns your smile. There are still good men left in this world, and you’re glad to know that Dean works so well with one.

“You want some coffee, or water? Think we might have some lemonade,” Benny says.

“Water would be great, thank you,” you reply, as you rub your belly. The little man has decided to kick at your liver today. “I stopped drinking coffee for the baby. ”

It's your biggest challenge, to be honest. Try wrangling a group of fifteen to twenty six-year-olds while running on green tea, the fumes of sleep deprivation, reduced bladder control, and as much vim as you can muster.

“Ah, right,” Benny nods. “My sister has two kids. She cut out coffee, pain meds, some dairy stuff. But she claimed cheesecake was all right, ‘cause it’s got cake in the name.”

You giggle. “I see no flaw in her logic.”

Down the hall of the firehouse, Dean is just coming back in from going through a set of drills. He’s still the Candidate—the freshest blood in the house—so they’ve been putting him through his paces for the past several months. He’s eager to learn and to prove himself.

His ears perk up in confusion though. Did he just hear your voice?

Why does it smell like a bakery in here?

When he rounds the corner, he sees you in the common room, smiling and giggling like a teenager at something Benny said to you while he eats a soft baked cookie right out of a Tupperware container. You must’ve brought it for the firehouse.

This cozy little scene kind of annoys Dean somehow, though he doesn’t know why. He does know that it shouldn’t.

“Hey, look who’s here,” Dean says, forcing himself to smile. It becomes easier when you look his way, your eyes brightening at his arrival.

“There you are! Come ‘ere and try these,” you say, pointing at the box Benny holds. “Tell me if our son’s going to have the best PTA mom ever.”

Dean can’t help but grin after trying a big bite of one of your cookies.

“Oh, mah Gah,” he says, holding a hand under his mouth so nothing comes crumbling out.

“Good?” you ask.

“Good friggin’ cookie,” he confirms, after he swallows. “You’re gonna have the other parents frothing at the mouth. Who’s gonna be able to compete with this?”

Benny nods in agreement. When Dean squeezes your shoulder, your sweet, happy smile makes him smile too.

She’s going to be a good mom, he thinks. He can only hope against hope that he can be the man his son needs.

Two months later, the time has finally come. Your water breaks when you’re in the middle of teaching your second graders how to spell exaggerate—and no, Joey, it’s not e-g-g-zagerate.

However, the embarrassment of him pointing out the fluid beginning to stain your slacks is swiftly cut off by your shock. Your first call is to the principal, to have her send someone to cover your class. Your next call is to Dean, telling him to meet you at the hospital.

“Why the hell did he have to bring her,” you mutter to yourself, wiping sweat from your brow. Here you are, gritting your teeth through contraction after contraction in this damn hospital bed, and Dean is outside the room talking to Lisa.

You know you have no real reason to be upset. She’s been trying her best to be your friend in recent months. Hell, she helped Eileen and your mom plan your baby shower. She even brought you flowers when she got to the hospital, but you notice how less than five minutes after she got here, she and Dean became embroiled in yet another argument. It seems to you that all they do is argue, break up for a week or two, and then get back together again.

The sex must be explosive, like the fireworks at goddamn Disney World.

But Dean eventually does come back into the room alone. His support grounds you over the next few hours. He lets you basically break his hand, all while he gives you encouragement (and stands by your shoulder, so he doesn’t see anything you’d rather him not see).

And then, your son is born. Every muscle, every cell in your body is exhausted, but the pain meds have kicked in, and you’re in that blissed out state between abject reality and being entirely entranced by the bundle in your arms. His perfect face is just there, sleeping for the moment after the nurses taught you how to breastfeed.

Dean returns to sit in the chair beside you. He gives you some water and a piece of a protein bar. You’re not that hungry, but he pointed out that you haven’t eaten since before your water broke.

“Sam and Eileen are on their way up,” he says.

You nod in reply. You’re too into your son right now to think of anything else.

Dean shakes his head in wonder as he reaches out with a tentative hand, brushing his fingers over the baby’s downy head. He was born with a little tuft of brown hair.

“Okay, down to business,” Dean says, shooting you a playful look. “I vote for Zeppelin.”

You groan. “Dean, no. Veto. I’m not naming my son after a rock band.”

“Aw, come on. It’s a badass name!”

“What about Aiden?” you suggest.

“Veto,” he snorts. You two agreed to getting five “vetos” each, but this discussion has been more like a battle of wills over the last several months.

“Okay, what about Daniel? That’s strong, classic,” you pose.

Dean considers it with a tilt of his head. “All right, that one’s a maybe.”

Again, he strokes the baby’s soft cheek. You look over at Dean with a small smile.

“You’re going to be a good dad, you know,” you tell him. It earns his gaze. Although he’s trying to stay strong, you read the hidden insecurity there, the worry and fear. You rest a hand on his arm. “You are, Dean. You’re a good man, and you’ve really stepped up these past few months. This obviously isn’t how either of us thought our lives would go, but if this had to happen with someone, I’m glad it’s you.”

Dean’s expression softens. He hesitates, but he lays a hand over yours and squeezes gently.

“Thanks,” he says.

Your eyes meet, and it’s a moment charged with something you can’t even name. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this feeling with him. It both fills your heart with warmth, and makes you ache.

Then the door opens. It’s Lisa, Sam, and Eileen. Dean’s hand slips away from yours as they all pour in to congratulate you and Dean, and of course, meet the baby. There’s a lot of soft cooing and playful shushing.

In that small chaos, your parents call to tell you that they’re finally almost here. It really sucked not having your mom with you, but your parents live far enough away that they were going to take a train and stay with you for at least a week. Their train unfortunately got delayed due to mechanical failure.

It's okay though. Getting through the past several hours has made you realize that you’re stronger and more capable than you think, and even though part of you is still scared to death, you don’t need a husband to be a good mom. You’re going to give this your all, no matter who’s beside you…

And that's no more apparent than when Dean soon has to step out again, leading Lisa out of the room. He saw how her “helpful” suggestion to have a get-together at their apartment to celebrate the baby’s birth was setting you on edge. Really, you just want to sleep for the next 24-hours and not have any more pictures of you taken.

It gets loud enough outside your hospital room that Sam and Eileen feel they have to intervene. Lisa is Eileen’s best friend, and she’s the best equipped to try and deescalate the argument from that end, while Sam deals with Dean. It’s messy, it’s irritating, and it means that even today, you can’t just have a little bit of peace.

You sigh and cradle your still nameless baby close to your chest. He’s all that matters. Already, your heart is so damn full just taking him in.

“What’s your name, my little love?” you whisper. “What am I going to write on your certificate, besides Winchester?”

“How about Benjamin,” comes a Louisiana drawl.

You perk up and smile in surprise. “Benny, hey.”

He greets you with a slightly hesitant kiss on the cheek. He’s brought the baby an adorable teddy bear, and you a beautiful bouquet of white and blue roses, along with a box of chocolates.

“It’s the assorted kind, but they’ve got plenty of the caramel ones you like,” he says, then gazes down at the baby. “Aw, he’s a little charmer. Already got more of you than Dean, that’s for sure.”

You laugh lightly at his teasing. “I don’t know about that.” You hope your son inherits Dean’s strong jaw, and his green eyes.

Benny scratches the back of his head. “Also…sorry if I’m crossing some kind of boundary here. Looks like it’s a bit of a circus outside.”

You shake your head and smile through burgeoning tears. You set the chocolates on the end table where he’s placed the flowers and the teddy bear.

“No, it’s very sweet. Thank you,” you say. You glance out the window of your room to the hallway, where the arguing between Dean, Lisa, Sam, and Eileen seems to finally be calming down. You’re so damn tired, you don’t give a crap about whatever they’re hashing out now.

You look down at your son, and despite your strong thoughts earlier, insecurity begins to creep back into your mind like inky claws.  

“How are you holding up?” Benny asks. His face is kind and concerned when he notes the change in you.

You meet him with a wobbly smile. “Honestly? I’m afraid. I know I have a lot of people who want to support me, and I’m grateful, but…I just have this terrible feeling that we’re going to end up alone, him and me.”

You look down at your son, and you have to wipe away a tear from your eye before it falls on his face.

A large, warm hand rests over yours. Your gaze raises slowly, and Benny smiles at you. He’s serious though.

“Don’t you worry about that,” he says. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

FIVE YEARS LATER... 

For all that changes, there are some things that stay the same.

Dean and Lisa are still the world’s most “off again, on again” couple you’ve ever met. Sam and Eileen are still going strong as the hardworking, driven career couple. Your son is growing more and more every day and just started kindergarten this year.

(You ultimately caved on Dean’s idea to name him Robert, as in Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin.)

Oh, yeah, and the “you and Benny” thing? That’s been going well for two years now.

What can you say? The man is persistent, but respectfully so. He’s considerate, reliable, and always calls you when work at the firehouse has him running late.

You haven’t yet invited him to move in with you. That part you’re still hesitant on, mostly because of your son, but Benny helps you drop off Robbie at school and makes breakfast for you all whenever he stays over your apartment. Benny takes an interest in your son’s life and keeps up with all his energy, taking him to the park to run himself ragged before dinner, and helping you tuck him in at night.

Benny is a bit closed off though, the strong stoic type. He’s hard for you to get a read on, and sometimes you wonder if he’s just indulging you when you ramble on about your day or make silly jokes. Even now, sometimes you withhold the first thought that comes to your mind, hoping he doesn’t think you immature or…too much.

But Benny shows his caring in all those little things he does for you. They add up into the big things, and he makes you feel supported. He makes you feel safe.

He even helps you plan your son’s fifth birthday. Robbie wanted to go all out on a dinosaur theme; he’s been hooked on Jurassic Park ever since Benny “accidentally” let him watch it with him on one of your rare nights out with your friends.

So you set up a little party at the park by your apartment. You managed to reserve the biggest gazebo, where there are three picnic tables covered with dinosaur plates, and tablecloths, streamers in different shades of green. You even bought a big dinosaur cake—also in a radioactive green color that you hadn’t been sure about, but your son talked you into. Robbie thinks it’s awesome.

He’s running around on the playground with a few of his friends from school. Their parents (along with Sam, Eileen, and Lisa) are talking amongst themselves at one of the picnic tables while you try to figure out how to get the Bluetooth speaker to connect with your phone.

“Haha! Got it. If you're so smart, Alexa, why don't you connect on the first try?” You fist-pump the air triumphantly, just as Benny comes to your side. He wraps an arm around your waist and kisses your cheek, making you smile.

“How’s it going out there?” you ask, nodding at the kids. Plus Dean, who’s gamely been the one to keep them entertained with different games. Right now, it’s a thrilling game of Cowboys and Outlaws, where Robbie and his friends are the cowboys, and Dean is the outlaw. He’s been hiding under the slide, behind trees and other playground fixtures, while the kids have little squirt guns to pelt him with water every time they find him.

It's pretty damn cute, and you’ve been taking pictures. You smile at the sight of Dean leaping out at Robbie and the kids, catching them off guard.

“You’ll never take me alive, Sheriff!” Dean declares.

“Oh, it’s goin’,” Benny remarks with an amused shake of his head. “Still hard to believe that guy’s about to make it to Lieutenant.”

“Hahaaa, gotcha!!” Dean cackles. He’s grabbed up Robbie and yanked him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Robbie screeches with laughter while his dad runs around the playground, being chased by a bunch of five-year-olds with squirt guns.

Your smile threatens to make your cheeks hurt. You know your life is…unconventional, to say the least, but Dean is a good father to your son. He’s also been working hard at his job. He just took the Lieutenant’s test, and even though Benny already occupies that position at Firehouse 83, a spot at another firehouse might open up for Dean to transfer.

“Part of me doesn’t want to,” Dean admitted to you last week, while he was working on fixing your stubborn, leaky sink. “All the guys there, they’re like family, you know?” “I understand,” you nodded. “You have to do what feels best for you, whether that’s staying where you feel comfortable, or moving up in your career somewhere else. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.” He took in your advice with a slow nod. “Yeah, thanks. Guess I have to time to think about it. Lisa had other ideas.” “Of course,” you said with a smile, but it soon dropped. “Why, what did she say?” “Do what I can to move up,” he sighed. “She’s got a point. That title comes with a pay bump, one I could really use right now.” “I get that. Totally valid,” you said. “But I just think it’s important for you to be happy with it too. Especially with what you do, helping people, saving people…I’d imagine being in the right mindset for all that is important, right? Who you work with can be just as important as the money stuff.” Dean considered you with a smile. “Yeah, exactly.”

As you think about it now, you have to admit that he’s grown up a lot.

Dean has to lean against a tree to catch his breath. Am I already getting too old for this crap?

Feels kind of young to have a stitch in his side after a few rounds with these kids, but even he has his limits. Lisa comes to bring him a bottle of ice-cold water, which he appreciates. He’s tempted to dump it over his head like he does after successfully neutralizing a fire. It gets literally hot as hell under that helmet and mask and all his gear underneath.

“Need an iron lung?” Lisa teases.

“Toss in a new pair of knees, thanks,” he wheezes. He downs half the water bottle in one go, but he smiles at seeing his son keep running around with his friends. He’s just got that manic kid energy that goes on for days. But Robbie’s also smart; like Dean, he likes taking things apart and putting them back together in new and ingenious ways.

Dean hopes his son likes the new model car set that’s waiting for him on the picnic table full of presents. In fact, he’s still surprised that you didn’t go with the race car theme he suggested for the party, but apparently, Robbie’s more into dinosaurs now. Dean wishes he knew that before he bought the model car set.

He looks over and catches sight of you and Benny wrapped up in each other. He has his arm around your waist while you fiddle with something, but the way you lean over and whisper near his ear elicits a smile on Benny’s face.

Dean’s good mood diminishes.

“Well, don’t they seem cozy,” he mutters.

Lisa arches a manicured brow. “Yeah, pretty sure he’s getting ready to propose.”

That earns Dean’s attention, his head swiveling back to her in surprise.

“Really?” he asks. “Who told you that?”

“His sister,” she replies. “Meg’s in my intermediate class, remember?”

Dean nods, sipping at his water, even though he’s a bit absent in the eyes. Lisa watches him shrewdly.

“Why do you seem upset about it?” she asks. “Benny’s your friend.”

“I know,” Dean says. He doesn’t need that reminder, or the guilty twinge. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong.

“And she seems happy,” Lisa points out. “Don’t you want the mother of your kid to be with a good man who treats her right?”

He nods, trying to hide his growing annoyance. “‘Course I do. I just…I don’t know. I still don’t see them together, I guess.”

“Well, they’ve been together for like, two years.”

Again, Dean nods his acknowledgement. It’s hard for him to believe that so much time has passed already. He honestly didn’t think you and Benny would be together this long. He’d always felt a little uncomfortable with one of his best friends dating you, but you’d seemed happy about it, so he didn’t discourage it. But he’d never been very supportive, either. At least, not about your relationship.

Lisa sighs and grabs his arm, pulling him aside before he can rejoin the party.

“Listen, we need to talk about something,” she says.

Dean restrains a tired groan. “Can this wait ‘til later?”

“I think we should do this now,” she says. A hallmark Lisa-ism. She’s opinionated and strong-willed, something Dean’s always respected about her. Sometimes though, the timing is damn irritating. He doesn’t want to get into another argument with his girlfriend in public, especially not at his son’s birthday party.

“Speaking of commitment,” she says with a sigh. “I think it’s fair to say that we’ve been on a five-year rollercoaster, you and I. You know why that is?”

“I’m sure you’re gonna tell me,” Dean says, crossing his arms.

“It’s because you’re spread too thin,” she says. “Between the firehouse, construction jobs on the side…not to mention other things.”

“What? What’re you talking about?”

Lisa’s lips purse, before she pointedly gestures over at you with her eyes. “Well, for example. You’re still going to her place after your next shift to fix her fridge, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, should be pretty simple. I’ve just gotta swing by the hardware store and grab this specialty tool I ordered—”

“Dean,” Lisa deadpans. “That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.”

She heaves a deep breath, running her fingers through her long brown hair.

“I get that navigating this situation hasn’t been easy for you,” she says. “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me either, but look.”

Lisa takes his hands in hers, uncrossing his arms. “I want to get married someday. I want kids too. And I want that kind of life with you…I’m just not sure you want it with me.”

Dean expels a heavy sigh. “Lis—”

“Don’t answer me right now,” she says, but she levels him with a serious look. “You need to decide though, Dean. Five years is long enough. You should know by now if you want to be with me.”

After letting go of his hands, she softens the edges of her words with a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then she turns to join the group now gathered around the picnic table where the food is, all the kids cheering for pizza and cake.

After the party, Sam, Eileen, Lisa, and Benny pack up their cars and yours with the leftover food, party supplies, and presents. Dean helps you clean up the trash, all while keeping an eye on Robbie getting out the last of his sugar-high on the playground swing.

You shake your head tiredly, if with a fond smile. “That kid’s gonna be up all night hype on that radioactive cake.”

Dean chuckles. “You want me to take him tonight?”

“It’s okay. I think he’s going to want to play with his toys,” you reply.

“Well, he could just as easily do that at my place,” he reasons.

You consider it, but you shake your head. “Yeah, but we got him the bike. He’s probably gonna want to try it out for a few minutes before we get him cleaned up.”

“By ‘we,’ you mean you and Benny,” Dean says, his tone becoming surly. “And about that. Don’t you think a bike is something you should run by me? That’s typically a ‘dad’ kind of gift.”

You pause what you’re doing at the sound of his tone. Your brows knit together.

“Sorry, but I feel like a bike isn’t exclusively a dad thing,” you say.

“My dad got me my first bike,” Dean replies. “Spent a whole three days teaching me how to ride.”

You take a minute to think about it. You understand where Dean’s coming from, so you nod.

“Okay, I get it. You want to be there to help teach Robbie? I’m sure he’d love that.” 

Dean tosses a wadded-up ball of frosting-covered napkins and stops, letting his hands fall to his sides in frustration. He draws closer and helps you untie the balloons from the picnic table.

“Yeah, I do, but that’s not the point,” he says. “Why can’t I take him home tonight?”

You blink up at him in confusion. “Well, like I said. The bike—”

“That I should’ve gotten for him,” he snaps. “Which, let me guess, Benny picked out. Right?”

You frown at him in earnest now. “Dean, why are you getting so upset about it? It’s just a bike.”

“Well you know what, it’s not! And it’s not just the damn bike either.” He swipes a hand over his face in annoyance, a telltale sign you’ve come to read well on the man. “Look, I’m missing too much shit, all right? Like, like the dinosaur thing! And the fact that I only get him on the weekends.”

You turn toward him, trying to put a cap on your own annoyance. This isn’t the first time you two have had a conversation like this. 

“We’ve gone over this before, Dean. Your schedule at the firehouse is just too unpredictable,” you say. “Robbie needs as much stability as possible between us. But…okay, if you want to take him tonight, that’s fine. We can bring the bike over to your place and show it to him there.”

You’re trying to be as reasonable as possible, and Dean knows that. Still, anger prickles just under his skin, and he can’t help but push his luck.

“You still should’ve asked be before you got the bike in the first place,” he argues.

Your brows raise high. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Look, it’s not like we bought him a Honda Civic. Honestly, Dean, why are you picking a fight with me right now?” you ask. “Did you and Lisa get into it again or something?”

Dean looks away and crosses his arms, giving you all the confirmation you need.

“Yeah, that’s right,” you nod. “I saw you two over there on the playground, looked pretty heated. But do me a favor. Don’t come at me with that energy, because I’m too damn tired of it!”

When you walk away from him, Dean can’t help but stare after you. He knows he fucked that up, just as he knows that you don’t deserve him snapping at you. He’s just too irritated to admit it.

For the entire week that follows, Dean finds himself distracted. He sticks to his word and helps Benny teach his son how to ride a bike in between their shifts at the firehouse, but Dean comes home each night feeling even more frustrated and drained than before. It’s too much, knowing Benny’s slowly but surely carving out a father-figure role in Robbie’s life.

These thoughts follow Dean to work, even while he climbs up the firetruck ladder in the rain. It’s parallel to a busted utility pole that still sparks with electricity, even in this torrential downpour. His task is to get up to the top and grab a large branch that’s tangled in the lines.

Rung after rung, he climbs. His safety mask protects his eyes from the rain, but he wishes they had some mini windshield wipers to keep his vision clear of the droplets pelting him in the face.

He also can’t help thinking of you. If Lisa’s right, then Benny’s about to become a more permanent fixture in Robbie’s life, and yours. 

Okay fine. It’s not like Dean expected you to be single forever, but did you really have to get with one of his best friends? Does it really have to be Benny, who seems so natural with Robbie, and more patient than Dean, and more of a support to you and Robbie than Dean can ever be?

And then there’s Lisa’s little ultimatum. He understands why she’s frustrated with him. Honestly, he’s surprised she’s stuck around this long. He knows she’s not going to wait too much longer for him to get his act together. For him to decide, as she put it.

It’s not that he’s not sure about her, it’s just that…

Just that what? he wonders.

He manages to grab the wily tree branch and maneuver it out of the power lines. 

He just doesn’t realize that his glove doesn’t have quite enough friction on the metal side panel of the ladder. Not only does his hand slip, but he’s forced to let go of the branch while he loses his balance. The branch falls to the sidewalk, far, far down below.

“Dean!” Benny shouts in alarm.

Luckily, the truck itself breaks Dean's fall.

Holding Robbie’s hand tightly in yours is the only thing keeping you steady as you lead him through the hospital. After the receptionist had checked you both in and gave you the room number, you hastened down the hall and up to the right floor. 2005.

Robbie breaks into tears when he finally gets to see his dad, laid up though he is in his hospital bed. Your throat tightens at the sight of Dean hooked up to all those monitors. He has his arm wrapped up and fitted into a sling. He has a thick piece of gauze taped to the side of his face, covering a wide, angry abrasion, but he seems to be resting easy on his back. The bed is at an incline, with most of the overhead lights turned off.

Robbie rushes to the bed before you can stop him. He hesitantly touches Dean’s non-injured right hand. “Daddy?”

“Robbie, wait,” you say, keeping your voice quiet. You quickly go over to the bedside and grab ahold of Robbie’s shoulders, but Dean takes a deep breath. His eyelids crack open.

“Hey, buddy,” he says, attempting a smile. His voice is rough and weak, but at least he’s awake.

Robbie’s lower lip wobbles as tears fill his eyes again.

“Come ‘ere,” Dean says, a little stronger. When he reaches out to his son, the kid hops up onto the bed and buries his face into his father’s chest. Dean holds him as securely as he can, soothing his hand over the boy’s hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s okay, little man. ‘M okay,” he promises. Robbie nods, but he still continues to cry.

You can’t help but do the same. Tears slip down your cheeks without your consent. Dean beckons you over too, gesturing with his chin and a slight smile. You’re more tentative in the way you sit down at the edge of his bed. You run your fingers through Robbie’s light brown hair to help reassure him. Then, you meet Dean’s gaze and lay a hand on his good shoulder. You don’t know whether you’re steadying him, or yourself.

“How do you feel?” you ask. “The hospital called me. Benny told me what happened.”

The thought reminds you to text your boyfriend. You hadn’t had a chance to tell him you made it here yet. He must be downstairs grabbing a bite to eat, because he’s the one who rode with Dean in the ambulance and has been with him for a while.

“The hospital called you?” Dean notes in slight confusion.

“Eileen told me that Sam is in court right now, so I must’ve been next on the list,” you say. He also must have taken Lisa off his emergency list the last time they broke up for almost a month. He probably forgot to update it again.

You reach out a hand to almost touch the bandage by his temple. Instead, you hesitantly hold the side of his face to see the area better. Dean closes his eyes for a moment. You can see he’s in pain. Your hand lingers on his cheek, but you know, deep down, that it shouldn’t.

Dean doesn’t stop you though. He lets out a deep breath, savoring how nice the gentle touch feels when the rest of his body feels battered to hell.

“Fell off the ladder. Was a stupid rookie move,” he explains, but when he sees that look on your face, he tries to inject a little more joking into a smile. “S’ not so bad.”

“You could’ve broken your head as well as your arm,” you say, more sharply than you mean to.

Robbie whimpers and clings tighter to Dean. You cover your mouth, as if you can trap the words back inside. You don’t want to upset your son more than he already is, so you fall silent. Another tear works its way down your cheek, but you brush it away. Dean shakes his head.

“Hey, I’m okay,” he reassures you too. He manages to smile as he pats Robbie’s back. “Right, buddy?”

The boy’s head perks up. His eyes are still shiny, but he smiles too. He’s not one to speak when he’s upset though, so he just curls up against Dean’s chest and hangs onto him. Dean rests his good arm snugly around him.

You smile and stroke Robbie’s back. Though your hand lowers, resting on Dean’s hand. You take in a deep breath to calm yourself down. Dean’s fingers curl around yours, prompting you to glance up into his eyes. The way he’s watching you is soft, grateful.

Until the door creaks open. Benny steps in with a subtle clearing of his throat. You jolt internally, and you slip your hand away from Dean’s. You offer your boyfriend a wan smile.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hey, baby.” He comes over and greets you with a kiss to the side of your head. He smiles at your son gently. “The gang’s all here.”

“Oh! Let me call Sam, and Lisa too. They still don’t know what’s going on,” you say. You get up from the bed to grab your phone out of your purse. Dean nods in agreement and thanks you, while Robbie plays with his dad's long fingers.

“How you holdin’ up, brother?” Benny asks, after you step out of the room. He settles into the chair near the foot of the bed.

“Ah, you know me. I’m like a cat. Always stick the landing,” Dean says, smiling lazily. The morphine is starting to kick in again.

Benny smirks. “Maybe you do got nine lives, the amount of close calls you like gettin’ yourself into.”

Dean’s good humor fades. He considers his son in his arms, and he shakes his head.

“Yeah, well, no more,” he says. He got a taste of what it would be like to leave his boy behind, and he’s not fucking doing it. He’s not leaving you to raise Robbie by yourself. The mere idea tears a new hole in his heart.

His eyes sting just enough that he has to blink a bit harder, swallowing past a thick well of emotion in his throat. He presses another kiss to the top of Robbie’s head. Then, Dean meets Benny’s gaze.

“Thank you,” he says, and he means it.

Benny nods.

“You got it, brother.”

When Lisa steps off the hospital elevator on the second floor, you happen to be coming out of the bathroom to fix your racoon eyes. You’ve been crying way too much. You attempt to greet Lisa with something reassuring, but she cuts you off. 

“What happened, and why didn’t the hospital call me directly?” she asks.

Her tone is cutting, and it takes you aback.

“Well, Sam and I were listed as his emergency contacts—”

“Why?” she snaps. “You’re not his wife or his girlfriend. I should’ve been listed.”

Jesus Christ. At this point, you can’t help it. You’re too tired and emotionally drained to lasso in your temper with this woman.

“Maybe if you and Dean stayed together longer than five minutes at a time, he’d put you back on the short list,” you sling back. “But the truth is, you’ve never just…been there for Dean. Not without demanding something from him.”

Lisa scoffs incredulously. “Oh, that’s fucking rich coming from you. You’re the reason he can’t commit to anything. You think your little world is the only one that matters, and you call Dean for any little thing! What, don’t you have a boyfriend to help fix your goddamn sink?” 

You open your mouth to retort, but you pause as her words seep into your mind. She might actually have a small point about that one. You realize then just how often you’ve been asking Dean for his help, not just with your apartment, but with your car, and other logistical things that usually have to with Robbie. Dean’s just such a good handyman, and you thought he genuinely liked being able to help…even though Benny did mention once or twice that he’d be just as happy to help you.

“Lisa, this is a lot more than a leaky sink. I just wanted to get here with Robbie and make sure Dean was okay,” you try to explain.

“Good. I’m glad his son was the first person Dean got to see when he woke up,” Lisa says. “But I should’ve been the second.”

She brushes past you before you can even think of what to say. You’re in a state of shock, feeling guilty, incensed, and on the verge of tears all at once.

A familiar voice calls your name, and you turn to Benny just as those tears begin to fall. He gathers you up into his arms and holds you there in the middle of the hallway.

“She shouldn’t talk to you like that, no matter how high tensions are today. I’ll talk to Dean,” Benny says. You shake your head and bury your face in his chest, clenching your fingers in his red flannel shirt. 

“No, it’s okay,” you reply, despite the sob that shudders through you. You’ve lost the will to fight.

Benny shakes his head and presses a kiss to your forehead. “It ain’t okay, baby.”

“Please, don’t bother Dean with this. Especially not right now,” you say. You take a moment to wipe your eyes and get ahold of yourself. “I’m gonna go get Robbie so Dean can rest.”

You can’t shake the feeling that Lisa is right. You do rely on Dean too much. You just don’t want to think about why that is.

Dean makes a full recovery after a few months. He never does hear about what happened in that hallway, but he knows that things need to change. 

He decides to dig out his mom’s engagement ring from a locked box of his parents’ keepsakes, though he’s still waiting on the right time for it. He and Lisa start looking at houses though, for real this time. She hires a realtor and everything. 

He’s making a firm decision, and he thinks it’s the right one. He wants to be there for his son, but he doesn’t want to keep “spreading himself too thin.” He has to figure out how to set some roots, and some boundaries with you while he’s at it. He’ll just have to come to terms with the idea that he won’t get to be there for everything. 

He has to be okay with the fact that you’ll probably marry Benny. You’ll keep making him cookies and cakes, giving him your smile and your time and your body. And Robbie will probably think of Benny as more of a father than his own Weekend Dad. 

Meanwhile, you’ve spent the past few months keeping yourself in check as well. You’ve stopped calling Dean for help whenever something breaks down in your old-ass apartment. You try to keep your conversations less about life and troubles and whatever funny thing your students did that day in class, and more focused on Robbie–strictly about his schedule and his needs.

It’s kind of painful, if you’re honest with yourself. Sam will always be one of your closest friends from college, but in the past five years, Dean has truly become your best friend. Because you’ve told him things. The things that come from sharing a child with someone, like Sunday dinners with your parents, flipping through old yearbooks and childhood pictures—and the details of day-to-day schedules and little stupid things that happen in moments between moments.

Dean also knows the deep cuts. Like being pregnant and scared and breaking down crying on the side of the road. Like sharing the deepest well of your insecurities with someone who knows your body intimately, even if just for one amazing night...a night you’ve never quite been able to put out of your mind.

However, you know that things can’t stay the same. From now on, he just needs to be your son’s father. Nothing more, nothing less. 

So today, on a crisp April 24th, you’re getting ready for a highly anticipated evening with your boyfriend. Robbie is sleeping over your parents’ house, and Benny has been planning something special for your third-year anniversary. 

You slip into your new dress, a deep emerald green, with a pair of black heels you’ve rarely worn since before you got pregnant. Come to think of it, you were wearing these the night of Sam and Eileen’s bachelor-bachelorette party. The night you…well, the night Robbie was conceived. 

You shake your head to rid yourself of those thoughts. You even consider changing. 

You’re being silly, you shake your head. They’re just shoes. 

And yet. Thinking of that time so long ago, it reminds you of a recent Sunday dinner at your parents’ house.

Two Months Ago...

Your parents live modestly, but comfortably in rural Kansas. Their ranch-style home boasts a creek in the backyard, where your dad is teaching your son how to catch minnows. Your mom is inside working on an apple pie, knowing it’s both Dean’s and Robbie’s favorite.

You and Dean have kept close to the house under the shade, sitting on a bench made more comfortable by a pair of old polyester cushions with red, faded flowers.

“How much longer do you have to wear that?” you ask Dean. He glances down at his cast-covered left arm.

“Doc says it’s about ready to come off,” he says.

You nod, allowing yourself a certain smile. “How bad are you itching to grab my mom’s garden shears and cut it off right here?”

“Woman, don’t tempt me,” he says, his lips twitching at a grin. “I’ve been eying those overgrown scissors for the past half hour.”

You laugh and take another sip of your glass. Yours holds sweet tea, while Dean’s has some of your dad’s favorite whiskey. You both raise your heads when Robbie yells across the backyard.

“I caught a minnow!”

“Good job, buddy,” Dean grins. “See if you can catch a marlin!”

“A marlin?” Robbie questions.

“Yeah, like that orange guy in Finding Nemo,” Dean calls back.

Your dad gives Dean the same wry look you do, though yours is tinged with more amusement.

“Dean, that’s a clown fish,” you say. “He’s not gonna find that in the creek.”

“Aw, shit,” he tries to quiet his laugh. “Ah well, should keep him occupied for another twenty minutes.”

You bite your lip to stifle your laughter as well. Though something else occurs to you the longer you watch your son play and explore in the creek. Your dad has the patience of a saint as he puts yet another bait worm on the hook for the kid.

“He’s starting to ask questions, you know,” you tell Dean, in a quieter voice. “‘Why aren’t you and Daddy married? Why can’t we all live together?’”

Dean's brows raise. His good humor dims when he looks over at you.

“What do you tell him?” he asks.

You take in a deep breath, considering your words now as carefully as you did with your son.

“That we care about each other a lot, as friends,” you say, meeting Dean’s eyes. “And we love Robbie very much. Nothing’s going to change that, even if you and I aren’t together like a normal mom and dad.”

Saying it like that makes your heart twinge, for more than one reason. The way Dean’s mouth twitches into a rueful smile just makes it worse, but you try your best to ignore it.

“I never thought about having to explain it to him,” he says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

It’s that anxious tell of his again. You notice every time he does it.

“I have,” you admit. “I just didn’t know for sure what I was going to say until it was coming out of my mouth.”

Dean smirks a little. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”

You roll your eyes and sip your drink, crossing your arms as well. Dean considers you then, looking at you in a way that makes you raise a brow in question.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing, it’s just…” He sits back against the bench and rubs his hands down his jean-clad thighs. “For the record, I did try to ask you out once.”

“What?” you scoff incredulously. “No, you’ve been with Lisa since the beginning.”

“Before Lisa,” Dean says.

He isn’t joking. He isn’t teasing. He’s serious as he stares back at you with those green eyes of his. Your brows furrow as you wrack your brain. Did he drunkenly leave you a voicemail on one of those “off again” episodes between him and Lisa? No. You know you’d remember something like that.

“It was a few weeks after the bachelor party,” Dean says. “I called you up, remember?”

Your eyes widen. Finally, that jogs your memory.

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition.

You have to laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Dean, you did not ask me out,” you say. “You wanted to hook up. There’s a distinct difference.”

Dean frowns at you. “No, I was. I invited you over—”

“For essentially some Netflix and chill,” you retort.

“Hey, I offered to make you dinner,” he argues. “I didn’t say anything about hooking up.”

You pause at that. His earnest denial makes you actually think back to what you remember about that conversation on the phone.

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition. “I could make us some burgers, toss in a couple of beers and a movie night,” he adds.

You cover your lips with your fingers as you begin to realize…

“That was you asking me out?” you ask incredulously.

Dean’s brows furrow and he throws his hands up. “What? Who doesn’t like a little movie night?”

“Dean,” you huff another laugh. “You could’ve made it sound more like a date.”

“Well, ‘scuse me. Sorry I couldn’t afford the Ritz at the time,” he grumbles.

You sigh. “That’s not what I meant.”

The more you think about it, the more you just shake your head at yourself. Why did you have to overthink it, like you do everything?

“Wow,” you say, softer and more contrite. “I honestly never thought…”

“Yeah,” he says. He shifts his gaze out ahead.

You glance over at him, now more unsure of yourself. He wouldn’t have any regrets, you think. He has Lisa. As much as they go at it, they always inevitably get back together. And now you know they hired a realtor. They’re about to start making solid steps forward.

But Dean surprises you with another question.

“Do you think if…”

He doesn’t finish it, but you think you know what he’s asking. You hesitate, your fingers flexing around your glass that beads with condensation. You set the glass down beside you. 

Just as you open your mouth to reply—

“All right, pie is cooling and dinner is served!” your mom calls out. Her head pokes out of the sliding glass door to the backyard. You offer a smile, trying to hide how you jolted in your seat.

“Okay, thanks, Mom,” you nod.

You turn back to Dean, who also hesitates. His eyes meet yours, but all too soon, he locks the moment away.

Bracing his hands on his knees, he rocks to his feet and goes out to get Robbie and help your dad bring in the fishing gear.

You grab Dean’s whiskey along with your tea on your way back inside the house. You consider the amber liquid disturbed in his glass, and you down the rest yourself. The burn down your throat is a good distraction. If he asks about it, you’ll say you got the glasses confused.

You know you’ll have to leave that conversation unfinished at the foot of the bench.

Now...

Benny comes by your apartment and helps you into the passenger side of his pickup truck, like the gentleman he is. He takes you to a nice restaurant in downtown, much nicer than the usual sports bar or kid-friendly restaurant. You're very much looking forward to eating at a restaurant that doesn't feature chicken fingers or "kiddie" corn dogs.

“This is gonna be really expensive,” you whisper to him, after he hands his keys over to the valet. 

Benny squeezes your hand in his, leaning over to kiss your temple. 

“Don’t you worry about that. We both deserve a night out.” His blue eyes gleam with amusement. However, his gaze gentles, becoming more sincere. “You work hard, carin’ for everybody around you. How about you let me take care of you for once.”

Your eyes begin to water, your throat constricting with emotion. You rub his arm gratefully.

“Thank you,” you say. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that.” 

It’s always easy with Benny. Nice and simple and easy. Nice, supportive, and considerate.

Nice and safe.

That thought follows you while you and Benny walk into to the restaurant. He’s reserved great seats in the back corner, overlooking a beautiful courtyard. It’s decorated with hydrangeas and light wood dining tables, all framed with a rod iron archway as the sun begins to set just so. After holding your chair out for you before he sits himself, Benny orders a bottle of champagne to kick things off.

He turns to you with a somewhat nervous look in his eyes, like he's steeling himself. It’s uncharacteristic of Benny, who’s always so calm and charming and sure of himself. It makes a zing of anticipation run down your spine, and…a dash of fear. You don’t know why, and you don’t know how to beat the feeling down as you fidget in your seat.

He subtly clears his throat, then takes your hand. “Sweetheart, I know I’m not all that good at the words you’re supposed to say. But I can say that the past three years with you and Robbie, it’s come to mean the world to me.”

Your smile softens. He brushes his thumb over the back of your hand, encouraged by your reaction.

“So I think it’s time I made it clear where I stand, and how much I want to be the man in your life,” he says.

Your eyes begin to widen in shock, but not for the reason he thinks.

“Dean,” you gasp.

Benny’s expression slackens. “What?”

You point over his shoulder, and Benny turns to follow your line of vision. Dean and Lisa have just walked into the restaurant. They notice you pointing their way, and they both pause in surprise as well. Lisa is beautiful as usual in a slinky black dress, completely backless (something you feel you could never pull off, unless you had an invisible bra to keep the girls perked up).

Dean is…well, you’ve very rarely seen him in a suit, but charcoal gray works for him. The open collar and white buttoned-down works for him, as do the three top buttons he’s left undone, showing a tantalizing strip of tanned skin. He stares back at you like he forgot you live in the same time zone, let alone the same zip code.

“Uh, hey!” he casts out an awkward wave, before he makes his way over to you and Benny. Lisa is less than enthused.

“We shouldn’t interrupt their night,” you catch her whisper to him, but Dean doesn’t seem to hear her.

“What’s up, party people! Of all the gin joints in all the world, huh?” Dean says, a little too loudly when he thumps Benny on the back. Benny grunts, giving a bit of a forced chuckle.

“Dean,” he greets. “I think I told you about this particular gin joint. Good to see you can actually clean up once in a while.”

“Ah, you know what, this monkey suit ain’t too bad,” Dean says, pulling at his collar.

You smirk in amusement. “Yeah, I remember how much you complained about wearing a simple tie for Robbie’s Christmas pageant.”

He smirks down at you. “Hey, ties still might not be my thing, but nothing wrong with a sharp collar.”

He pops his for emphasis. You don’t know why it makes you laugh, but it does. Maybe it’s just his face and the silly, endearing expression he makes when he pouts his lips in a “blue steel.”

“So, is this just a night out, or you guys celebrating something special?” Dean asks, gesturing at the champagne bottle and your full glasses of bubbly.

Benny gives his friend a certain look. “Yeah, as a matter of fact. Today’s three years.”

He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. You smile back at him, though you’re a bit self-conscious at the way both he and Dean, and even Lisa have their attention on you.

“We should let you guys get back to it then,” Lisa says.

Honestly, it’s a relief. You and Benny nod, wishing them a goodnight.

For some reason, you notice how Dean’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. But he goes with Lisa, laying a hand on the small of her back. You force yourself to tear your eyes away from them and refocus on Benny. You take up your champagne glass and raise it in offering.

“All right, where were we?” you ask, if with a nervous trill in your belly.

Benny smiles. He takes up his glass and clinks it with yours.

Lisa nearly sighs. She and Dean are back in line at the front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated. The second time she catches Dean glancing over at the table where you and Benny sit, she shakes her head and digs into her purse for the valet card. She’s done with this.

“I think maybe we should go to a different restaurant,” she says.

That finally earns Dean’s attention, mostly confused. “What, why?”

She just gives him a long look.

He realizes that whatever her reasons are, it’s easier to just give in than to fight her on it. He’s learning when to pick his battles. Or is he just giving up?

Also, if tonight’s “the night” he thinks it is for you and Benny, maybe he doesn’t want to stick around after all. Three years, huh?

“All right, fine. Let’s go,” he agrees.

Dean and Lisa wait for the valet to bring the Impala around. The minute he gets behind the wheel and turns the key into the ignition, she changes her mind.

“Look, let’s just go home,” she says. “I don’t really feel like eating out anymore.”

Dean’s brows raise. “What? Aw, come on. We’re already dressed and everything. You look great, Lis. Just tell me where you wanna eat.”

Lisa remains firm, with a small shake of her head. “Please, Dean, just take me home.”

After a moment of indecision, Dean sighs. He revs the ignition and does as she says.

It’s only a fifteen-minute drive back to their apartment, but in that stifling silence, it seems to drag on for a small eternity. He glances at her a couple of times. Lisa has her arms crossed as she stares out the window, watching the other restaurants and mom-and-pops shops and forest trees and old houses of Lebanon, Kansas go by.

Dean counts it a blessing when they’re finally home. He walks up the few short steps up to their ground-floor apartment and unlocks the door. He flicks on the lights inside, and she breezes past him to toss her purse onto the couch.

Dean takes off his blazer and begins to undo the buttons on his cuffs. He watches her all the while, knowing that a storm is brewing. She shucks off her heels and slowly paces the living room on bare feet, like her whirling thoughts are fueling every step.

“All right, I give. What’s going on?” Dean asks. “What’d I do this time?”

She pauses, with her back turned to him.

Shit, he thinks. He shouldn’t have said it like that.

He prepares for the inevitable blow up, but it never comes. Lisa just heaves a sigh. Slowly she turns, and Dean’s shocked and dismayed to see the tears welling up in her deep brown eyes. He makes quick strides toward her, but she raises a hand to keep him at bay.

“Dean, when you picture yourself happy, truly happy,” she says. “Is it with me? Can you imagine yourself marrying me? Buying the house, having kids, growing old together?”

If Dean was thrown for a loop before, he’s even more stunned by her question. “Lis…”

“Just be honest, for once,” she pleads. Her tears begin to brim over, but she blinks, somehow keeping them at bay.

It’s a bit too long before Dean realizes that he can’t give her an answer. At least, not the one he knows she wants to hear.

When he thinks of that picture in his mind, of course he sees his son. But the only other person Dean can imagine there beside him is…

“I…” He wills his mouth to work, but nothing else comes out.

The only face he can conjure is yours. Your eyes are warm and welcoming, your smile as bright and contagious as your laugh.

The only voice he can hear is yours, gentle and strong at the same time.

The only one he can see is you.

He knows the shampoo you use and the perfume you like to wear, how the sweet and floral scents mix together and linger in your hair and on your skin.

Even now he remembers the contours of your body, and how it could fit so well against his. He knows that you used to try and hide your shape under loose, baggy shirts and cargo pants that did nothing for you. He knows how much courage it took you to wear that red dress to his brother’s party, because you told him once, at one of those Sunday dinners at your parents’ house.

Come to think of it, there’s not a whole lot that Dean doesn’t know about you, except maybe what you see when you look at him.

“You love her,” Lisa finishes for him. “I think you always have.”

Dean’s throat tightens. Somehow he swallows anyway, and he shakes his head. 

“Lisa, I loved you.”

“Maybe you did, in your own way,” she says, laughing a little through her tears as she wipes them away. “But you already have a family, Dean. Go fight for it.” 

Dean doesn’t know what to say, but he knows what he can do.

He goes to her and kisses her cheek. 

“I’m so sorry,” he says. 

Lisa merely nods, wiping her face dry. She watches Dean Winchester walk out of her apartment, and out of her life for good this time. 

Dean calls your cell, but it goes to voicemail. He drives all the way back to the restaurant and doesn’t find you or Benny there. 

Dean realizes that what he’s doing, what he plans to do, is not fucking cool. He wouldn’t blame you or even Benny for being severely pissed when Dean shows up. He also knows that he can’t let another day pass where he keeps lying to you, and himself. 

He eventually finds you at home. What’s weird is that Benny’s truck isn’t in the driveway—just your car. He knocks on your door, and he waits.

He unconsciously holds his breath while he waits in that terrible existence of limbo. However, his heart thrums back to life when he hears your footsteps drawing closer to the door. Anticipation, excitement, dread, it all roils together inside him like a bad cocktail as the door swings open.

And he’s once again rendered a bit breathless at the sight of you in that dress. The color alone appeals to him, let alone the way it accentuates your every curve, from full breasts to the swell of your hips, the softer slope of your thighs, and bare toes painted. You’re fucking delectable, every curve, and a temptation without you even meaning to be. 

You’re just…you’re still so goddamn beautiful, like the night he first saw you. Even now, he can almost feel the give of your thighs under his hands, his fingers pressed to supple flesh. 

But then he’s drawn to your face, and your wide eyes full of surprise. Your mascara is a bit smudged though. Your eyes are red too, like you’ve been crying. His brows furrow in concern.

“Dean, what’re you doing here?” you ask.

“I need to talk to you, but uh…did something happen?” he asks. “You okay?”

You’re reluctant to tell him. Did Benny say something to upset you? Or was it something he did?

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say.

Instinctively, Dean knows it’s a lie.

“This isn’t a good time though,” you say, after clearing your throat. “Can we do this tomorrow, maybe?”

Dean leans a hand on the doorframe.

“Please, it’s important,” he says. His eyes implore you harder than his words. Please.

That does it. A sigh passes through your lips, but you let him in. He knows Robbie is with your parents for the night, which actually makes this easier.

Once he steps inside the apartment, Dean does notice that your bedroom door is open. Half the drawers to your dresser are open too, and empty. Certain frames that used to be on your coffee table are no longer there, like the one of you, Benny, and Robbie on a camping trip. 

“You want some coffee, or soda?” you ask. 

Dean declines and grasps your arm before you can busy yourself into “hostess” mode. He leads you to the couch, where you both sit down together.

“What happened tonight?” he asks. “Where’s Benny?”

Your lower lip wobbles, the beginning of your telltale cry face. Dean knows his son gets it from you, and it always breaks his heart. He squeezes your arm gently, trying to ground you.

“Benny proposed to me tonight,” you confess, taking in a sharp breath. “He proposed, and I couldn’t give him an answer.” 

You shake your head as the tears sting hot in your eyes. 

“He got so upset, he just—he left!” You throw your hands up. “But honestly, I don’t blame him.”

Dean tries to comfort you as you try and fail to wipe at your face. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, cupping your cheek to brush the tears away himself. 

“Why couldn’t you answer him?” he asks. 

You look up at Dean, and you finally notice the shine of hope in his eyes. Dean touches your cheek more tenderly. 

“Does it mean I have a chance here?” he asks.

Despite what your eyes tell you, you still gape at him in shock. “What? But…what about Lisa?”

“It’s over. For good this time,” Dean shakes his head. “I realized what I wanted for my life, and where my heart is…”

And he chuckles weakly. “Truth is, you’ve had it the whole time, sweetheart.”

You begin to crumble all over again. You pull away from him and his touch, because you can’t believe it. You cover your face with your hands, sniffling as you try to make sense of his words, his touch, and the warm flutter threatening to brim happiness in your heart.

“God, Dean. You can't just..."

"I mean it," he insists.

You're still reluctant to take him seriously...no matter how much you want to. It's a conflicting realization that hurts, and makes you feel stupid for taking so long to figure it out, and makes you hate yourself for hoping his words are true.

"Come the morning, you’re going to change your mind,” you reason, without looking at him. “Like you’ve done with Lisa a thousand times.”

“No,” Dean says firmly. He shifts closer and prompts you to look at him, really look at him.

“Not about this, and you know it,” he says, catching and holding your gaze. “That’s why you couldn’t say yes to Benny. Because you know what we’ve got. It’s the real deal.”

You still look uncertain, even though you can’t bring yourself to pull away this time. Dean has always had this way of looking into the very depths of you, like he can actually see every thought as it passes through your mind.  

“I should’ve said yes,” you say. “I can rely on Benny. I know he would stay by my side, and…and I know he won’t hurt me.”

Not like I’ve just hurt him, you think. Guilt still pricks at your heart. The last thing you ever wanted to do was lead him on, and yet, that’s what you’d done, wasn’t it? You thought you had loved him. You’re sure that you did, but maybe it just wasn’t the kind of love that could reach down deep and grab you, set your blood on fire, and make you ache when the burn was gone.

That spark licks across your skin when Dean takes your hands.  

“What if I want to be that guy for you,” he says.

You allow yourself to look at him. Really look at him.

You know Dean. When he gets an idea in his head, it inhabits every bone and shred of muscle in his body. There’s no mistaking his resolve, or the steady grip of his hands over yours.

“If you let me, I’ll stay. I won’t leave you,” he says. In his eyes, there’s a firm promise. “I can be the guy you rely on. The man you can trust. The man who’s gonna love you, come whatever. Because now I know what it means. I know how it feels.”

You bite your lower lip against the smile that wants to surface.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

Dean smiles for you. “If you wanna know the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been loving you since the day I heard Robbie’s heartbeat for the first time.” 

Your tears flow harder at that. A shaky breath escapes you, though it does nothing to steady you. Dean strokes your cheek gently with his thumb. 

“Please, just give me this one chance,” he asks. Begs, really. 

He doesn’t have to though. You nod, just a little. 

“Okay,” you agree. “Let’s try.”

Dean's smile spreads slow, but warm across his face. It’s your favorite kind, the kind that crinkles his eyes. 

He leans in and claims your lips with his own. The passion of it is familiar, but you don't think it’s the same as five years ago. Now, there’s an underlying note of tenderness in his touch and each new way he tastes you deeper. He holds nothing back this time, and neither do you. 

Your fingers tangle in his shirt, and then in his hair as you moan into his mouth. “Dean.”

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he answers against your lips, though he doesn’t give you much room to keep talking.

You haven’t heard him call you sweetheart in a long time. You feel your heart knitting back together, stitch by stitch. Tears sting in your eyes anew, but you squeeze your eyes shut against them.

“I…”

You can’t even continue the breathless thought. You hold his face desperately between your hands, pressing your forehead to his for a moment as you both catch your breath. But this man is like the sweetest, most seductive vice. Now that you’ve gotten another hit, you can’t resist. You no longer want to.

His arms wrap around you more securely, and he leans in to lure you back into his kiss. His tongue breaches past your lips to curl along yours with tantalizing strokes. His hands slowly move down your back and along your waist.

“Mmm, missed the hell outta this,” he groans into your mouth. Your heart flutters again at the way he holds you, the way his big hands squeeze you and feel you.

You let him guide you down onto the sofa cushions. He slots himself between your bare thighs and runs his hand up familiar smooth skin, bunching the skirt of your dress higher as he goes. He aims to get himself reacquainted with every soft part of you that welcomes him back.

For once, the gates around your hearts swing free. 

Dean never imagined that his own son would hand him the ring he gives to his wife, but today, it just feels like symmetry. He grins and winks at Robbie.

“Thanks, buddy,” Dean says.

His son’s beaming grin is wide and toothy, but the boy takes his job very seriously and delivers the other ring to you. You smile brightly and caress his cheek after you take the shining, white gold band from him. It matches the thinner band that Dean has for you; it'll soon join the engagement ring that once belonged to his mother.

Robbie had liked Benny a lot, but he loves his dad. He’s probably the happiest person in the room to see his parents take each other’s hands in front of the minister. 

Benny is understandably absent in the chapel today. You had met with him after that night of your botched anniversary to apologize to him, and so had Dean. Benny understood. He’d admitted that in the back of his mind, he feared this might happen.

“I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with me,” you said to him. “You can even hate me if you want.” Benny gave you a wry, melancholy sort of smile. “Part of me’s still mad at you, I won’t lie…but there’s no use in it. Not even hating you.”

Even though Benny bowed out, carrying his hurt and his grief on those broad shoulders, letting you go meant letting go of a friend too. He put in his paperwork to transfer out of Firehouse 83.

As he’d told Dean himself that day, and in fact, the last words Benny said to him…

“There you go, Lieutenant. A spot’s just opened up.”

Dean didn’t want to get promoted this way. He felt guilty enough as it was, and not just for Benny leaving the firehouse. Benny recommended Dean to the Chief himself though, saying that if they were going to give someone a Lieutenant’s badge, it may as well be the guy who got a perfect score on his test, and had the natural leadership skills to boot.

To the end, Benny was a gentleman.

Now, Sam beckons his nephew over. Robbie quickly goes to his uncle’s side and puffs his little chest out as he stands proud behind his dad. 

Dean is able to take you in, your beautiful white dress, and everything about you that makes him smile…including the way you smile back at him.

Man and wife is all he hears. It’s all he needs to hear, before he’s pulling you closer by your newly anointed hand. He dips you for a thorough kiss in front of all your family and friends. 

You squeal in surprise, making Dean smile hard enough for his cheeks to hurt. Giggling hard enough to make you tremble, you raise a hand to caress his cheek. But you give him another real kiss after he guides you back up to your feet.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips. The words are just for him to hear. Dean pulls back enough to see the truth shining in your eyes. Beautiful.

“Can’t help it, right?” he teases. 

You smile in amusement, but you grab his chin and shake it. 

“You got me,” you reply. “I really, really can’t.”

Your beaming smile softens. Even though the entire room is clapping and hooting and hollering in celebration, in that moment, all you really see is Dean. 

Here in his arms, you know that this is where you were meant to end up. From now on, it’s where you’re meant to be.

AN: From Lisa and Benny to Robbie and everything in between. Dean and the reader certainly aren't perfect in this, but what do you think about how their story unfolded? I truly hope you guys enjoy this one, because I've had so much fun with it. 🥰❤️���️‍🔥

So please let me know what you thought! 😘

⋆˙⟡ Keep Reading: The Epilogue

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?"

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[jude457]

more inhun nsfw (the obligatory face sitting fic)

Okay, so here’s the thing: Gi-hun is relentless when he wants something. It’s not that he nags — he persists, with this maddening mix of charm and shamelessness. And when he gets that certain look in his eye, that half-grin-tilted-downward thing he does when he’s got an idea that shouldn’t be sexy but somehow is, Inho knows he’s about to be in trouble. The good kind. The kind that ends with his knees shaking.

So when Gi-hun, lounging half-naked across the bed, looks up at him and says, “Why don’t you ride my face tonight?” — Inho almost chokes on his own breath.

“You want me to what?”

And Gi-hun, completely unbothered, just stretches like a cat, lazy and smug. “C’mon. You have never wondered how it felt before?”

Inho turns red immediately, the color blooming high on his cheeks, up to his ears. Which answers the question better than words ever could.

The truth is — Gihun always had this thing. This fixation. With his mouth. With giving. With being close enough to taste someone’s pleasure. With his ex-wife, Gihun used to try — softly, sweetly, but she never liked it. Always pulled away like it was too intimate, too raw. Eventually, he stopped asking. Shut that part of himself down.

But now, here — with Inho, who holds himself like a fortress even naked in bed — something in Gihun aches to give again. To offer. To open his mouth and keep it open until Inho lets go.

Gihun softens a little. The teasing fades into something warmer, steadier. “I want to take care of you, Inho. You don’t have to do anything. Just… let go.”

That’s the hard part, isn’t it?

Even now — with the Games crumbled, the whole cruel machine gutted and exposed — Inho hasn’t let himself stop. He’s still carrying all of it. Still punishing himself with the weight. He doesn’t receive. He commands. He withholds. He endures.

But Gi-hun? Gi-hun looks at him like he’s worth being undone for.

And so, after what feels like hours of internal warfare and tactical hesitation, Inho slowly, awkwardly, climbs onto the bed. Gi-hun lies back, hands laced behind his head, grinning like the world’s happiest pervert.

“This is ridiculous,” Inho mutters, like he hasn’t been thinking about it ever since Gihun brought it up.

Gihun just shrugs. “So be ridiculous. I like it when you’re ridiculous.”

“You’ll suffocate.”

“I won’t. Your ass is not a weapon.”

Inho glares like it absolutely could be, under the right conditions. But there’s a crack forming in the mask — the kind Gihun has learned to wait for. Sure enough, after a long pause and a muttered curse under his breath, In-ho slowly climbs up, knees braced on either side of Gi-hun’s chest like he’s trying to find the most precise placement for a bomb.

Gihun watches with open hunger and stupid affection in his eyes, like it’s the best show in town. “You’re being very strategic about this.”

“Shut up.”

Inho hovers like he’s afraid to commit, muscles tight, thighs trembling slightly with tension. His hands are on the headboard, knuckles white, and Gihun can see the math running behind his eyes: angle, weight distribution, exit strategy. It would be funny if it weren’t so him.

Gi-hun watches, half-hard already, half-amused. “You’re acting like I’m made of glass.”

“You’re acting like you have a death wish.”

Gihun just laughs, warm and low. “Inho. You are not going to crush me. I’ve had worse things on my chest.”

“Not helping.”

“I want this. I want you. Now sit.”

The last word is gentler than it should be. Commanding, but wrapped in softness. It cuts straight through Inho’s control.

With a breath like he’s about to dive underwater, Inho lowers himself — carefully at first, barely hovering. Gi-hun growls a little in frustration, hands gripping his thighs to pull him closer. “Don’t hover. I want you to use me.”

And Inho does.

And then Gi-hun tilts his head up and licks him — one slow, deliberate stroke that makes Inho suck in a breath and grab the headboard in reflex. Gihun moans beneath him, like he’s tasting something he’s been starving for.

Inho swears under his breath, body arching, hips twitching involuntarily. But he’s still trying to hold back, muscles coiled, trying not to lose control. Gihun pulls him down more firmly with both hands and breathes, “Let go. I need this. Take what you need.”

It’s slow at first — tentative, unsure. A soft grind of his hips down onto Gihun’s mouth. A hesitant roll. But when Gihun groans again, tongue eager and open and welcoming, Inho does it again. Deeper. Slower. A rhythm forming.

He lets himself feel it.

The warmth, the wet heat, the way Gihun latches onto him with such reverent hunger. It’s overwhelming — the intensity of being the center of someone’s devotion. No masks. No power games. Just want. Just worship.

Inho’s breath stutters. His hands grip the headboard so tight his knuckles go white. His thighs are shaking already, not from effort but from the unbearable intimacy of it. Gihun’s groaning beneath him, not struggling — thriving, like he lives for this.

His hands slide down from the headboard, trembling slightly as he cups his own chest, then trails lower — touch tentative, but growing bolder with each thrust of his hips. He palms himself, strokes slowly as he grinds down onto Gihun’s mouth, caught in the loop of sensation.

And Gihun — god, he’s into it. His hands grip Inho’s thighs tighter, mouth working harder, moaning into him like it’s the only thing that’s ever mattered. He’s lost in it, in the taste, the weight, the giving of it all.

Inho’s movements get rougher, more desperate — no longer holding back, rocking against Gihun’s face with growing abandon, chasing pleasure he’s never allowed himself to own. And Gihun takes it, drinks it in, hands stroking up and down his thighs like he’s grounding him through every trembling moment.

When Inho finally comes — with a strangled cry, body seizing, thighs clenching around Gi-hun’s head — it’s not clean or graceful. It’s raw and shaking and honest.

But Gihun doesn’t stop. He keeps holding him. Keeps kissing him. Keeps whispering, once Inho collapses beside him, sweat-slick and wrecked:

“You were perfect. You’re mine.”

And for the first time, Inho doesn’t argue.

(I’m going back in time out)

[purplecritter]

theories/thoughts/analysis about touchstarved 2025 demo

So uh, I did a long analysis post back when the first demo dropped. I won’t repeat things that I already wrote there but I have some more thoughts especially with the changes and additions they made + several of the scattered official tumblr posts that followed the demo release!

Also heads-up, I will edit this with the daily routine posts from the devs' account if they're relevant, since I already commented on Mhin’s, but apart from those I won’t touch this anymore afterwards 🙏

(Spoilers under the cut)

Kuras

His new red choice… Really amps up his association with fire, and it seems to be directly linked with how close we are to him: if you didn’t get the red choice you still feel it, but you’ll miss this line: “I realize it’s more than physical warmth. The sensation calms my nerves and quiets my mind—the closest thing I’ve ever felt to a comforting embrace”. One thing is interesting though: the red choice was unlocked during my Unnamed playthrough, but not during my others even if I picked the same choices. I tried again picking the opposite choices with my Unnamed and still got that red choice, so I’m pretty sure it depends on your origin, not your relationship with him. Since, as of now, Kuras hasn’t yet revealed his true nature to us (I suspect Eridia more or less knows, though), it would make sense that specifically the origin about detecting hidden supernatural presences would notice earlier than the others.

The dev answered a question on their tumblr about Kuras, “Kuras came through the Shroud because he loved humanity. He’s had human friends, colleagues, and lovers… all of whom he’s destined to outlive. Each person he’s loved—and lost—left an indelible stamp on him.” The stamp part caught my attention; since we feel his powers more whenever when get closed (physically, but moreso emotionally), I wonder if he can… channel? That affection into energy. Kind of how deities are fueled by their followers’ faith, perhaps an angelic being like Kuras is fueled by emotions?

A bit of relevant lore was posted on the dev team's tumblr: “Divine Teacher — The Senobium's folklorists note a curious pattern in humanity's oldest tales. Though the details vary, these stories share a common theme: an otherworldly teacher, bringing the divine gift of knowledge. Alchemy and literacy, art and war...supposedly this being shared all that they knew with the earliest civilizations. In some tales, the otherworldly teacher is a loving, benevolent figure. In others, they are a harbinger of chaos and ruin.” as well as the quote “Hope. A strange concept, after so long seeing myself as the agent of ruin.” Prometheus is the obvious parallel, due to his association with fire (though I would hope Kuras still has his liver intact), but there’s many versions of the Theft of Fire; in the Book of Enoch there’s fallen angels who shared knowledge with humans, too; and undoubtedly several more myths about inhuman figures sharing knowledge. Mhin says that “[Kuras]rarely does [take payment from patients]. That just means he’s paying down the debt elsewhere” which could be related to his distaste for dealing with the Senobium… I wouldn’t even be surprised if he had a hand in creating the Senobium (his robes are white too, and he does collaborate often, yet he isn’t afraid of retribution for messing a little with its members from what we can see of his ending scene), and he had all the time in the world to witness how the knowledge he gifted was used for worse things that he could’ve hoped for :(

Kuras, like Ais, keeps on his own for the most part, though they don’t dislike feeling close to people: Ais actually dislikes isolation but he’s probably too jaded to want to bother interacting, while Kuras actively craves closeness (it’s part of the reason he has a free clinic methinks) even if he knows it will hurt him when he loses it.

Leander

Leander’s group is now called The Adderstone. The symbology of an adder stone, aka witch stone, is definitely a bigger hint at Leander’s unique connection to magic, whereas previously the Bloodhounds evoked the feeling of a mercenary group with a penchant for investigations. In the new demo Adderstone is defined as “a semi-precious mineral that draws out poison”, which also makes me think of his constant disposition as a confident protector and his tendency to disregard the riskier aspects (ie, he wouldn’t care about getting poisoned himself). The Adderstone’s meaning is still vaguely reminiscent of my previous thoughts about the Bloodhounds: Hounds are a breed specifically intended to track something specific (or someone specific) by scent, and in the new metaphor that something/someone is the poison that Leander and his mercenaries are drawing out, hunting.

Adder stones are sometimes also symbolically tied to snakes, some sources saying they were created by turning dead snakes into the stone, others say that the ring-like formation was made by a hardened bubble of saliva when snakes joined together… All quite nicely tied to the recurring Ouroboros symbol in Leander’s outfit and merch!

“I’m no prior or curator. I’m not much for paperwork or pencil pushing. And honestly, I don’t even think those robes come in my size.” I am reminded of an old post by user @/toeridiaorbust about how Leander and the Bloodhounds Adderstones clothes are a direct color inversion of the Senobium’s robes.

“If you want nothing but guidelines, improper policies, and needless bureaucracy, you know where to go […] The Senobium won’t help you. They’re more likely to torture you than to lend you a hand.” Now this? Makes me wonder if his prominent scars are connected to his loathing towards the Senobium.

“But I’m not going to wait from word from on high […] These are our streets. We make our own luck here […] I founded the Adderstones to help people like you.” connects to the “as above, so below” tagline that was in his posters in the first demo and first hinted at him creating the Adderstone as an alternative to the Senobium.

The lore snippet about him on the dev’s tumblr doesn’t add anything that we don’t know from the new demo about Leander and the Adderstone, but there’s an interesting part at the end: “Locals speak praise for the charming leader whose seemingly benign reign extends even below the city streets into the shadowed depths of the Silent Crypts.” Considering all of his symbolism about the cycle of rebirth (I went into detail in my old analysis post), the fact that this references a crypt of all places doesn’t feel coincidental… We haven’t heard of the location yet from what I can remember, but I would bet that it’s connected to Leander’s hidden curse / source of power.

In an old post, the devs confirmed that “The magically talented son of an old Hightown family, Leander was expected to join the Senobium when he came of age. Instead, he packed up his bags twelve years ago to chase his own dreams” which matches with his own words in the demo: “I grew up idolizing the Senobium. I wanted nothing more than to join their ranks, to learn magic from the best, to make a real difference. I was young and blinded by the legends and the legacy. I was so damn naive. All it took was one trip here, to Lowtown, to show me the truth.”

“I won’t leave you, and you won’t leave me” + “How would you feel about being on a leash?” + “You can decide how to thank me. Or I can decide for you.” he’s not beating the yandere allegations.

“It’s not every day I find something that truly challenges me” we already knew he likes being challenged, which is pretty much his whole relationship with Ais. It’s interesting because with MC, he tends to prefer when they defer to him, trust him, take the flower and hold hands…. I think both things are a way to reaffirm his confidence: a challenge surpassed is proof that he’s strong enough to face what he has ahead, and having people trust him (in Kuras’ words, even willing to put their lives on the line for him) is a different way to feel that kind of influence.

The new scene of him coming into MC’s room with the excuse of having information about the curse, it feels like a contrast with the other characters’ ending scenes. Everyone shows a little about themselves, their attitude or their habits, but Leander feels like he mirrors MC. Even asking him about his relationship with the others, he comments on what we say about them rather than speaking up about them unprompted.

I initially didn’t think much of it so it may be nothing but it’s worth mentioning anyways: while chatting with Leander nearer the ending, he can say “How would you feel about being on a leash?” which is easy to dismiss as just him being a little freaky, but then I recalled after the first encounter with Vere, when the MC remarks that they could share his fate and get “leashed” by the Senobium. I doubt Leander would intentionally let MC in the hands of the Senobium, considering his animosity towards them, but it’s still a chilling thought that feels like foreshadowing...

Vere

re: his bad/secret ending, I appreciate that he shows some restraint this time around. I’m now pretty certain that you can only get the option to “Reach out to him” (red choice) versus “Resist him” (neutral) if you played along with him at least a little bit; while “Surrender” (bad ending) is only unlocked if you don’t have his approval and you say that if you can’t find a cure it’s over for you (rather than “I’ll keep looking”).

In two posts on tumblr (here and here), the devs posted a couple of peeks at Vere’s living space. “Candles flicker in the waning light, illuminating a crowded desk at odds with its gloomy surroundings.” and “Few in living memory know why the Senobium built the secret prison where Vere is kept. What do you think happened to the other prisoners?”. Given it’s described as a secret prison, I’m torn about it being located in the entertainment district where we first found him. One one hand, he was shackled there and it was morning, the Senobium cleric hadn’t yet come to fetch him. On the other hand, it feels like a weirdly dangerous place to put the deathly charming Monster in? No other buildings can be seen from the window, which is either just to not clutter the view or it’s a tall building, a spire taller than the rest, which would only leave the blue sky visible from that angle. The three items that mainly occupy his space are candles (I would’ve thought he would be able to see in the dark, perhaps just not comfortably or perhaps he likes the atmosphere they create... or they're not there for his benefit, but that of his captors), books (I could swear there’s a full picture of his sketchbook somewhere but just considering this sneak peek of it here, I think it’s the one in the middle of the desk… As for the books, he doesn’t like puzzles, I’m not sure he would be the studious type, so my bet is on them being entertainment), and shackles in his bedroom and by the desk. This last detail feels particularly invasive, as the implications are that someone is scheduled to keep an eye on his routine, dictating when he is allowed bedtime and when he can read/draw/brush his tail (there’s a little brush and mirror in the shelves). There’s also some handwritten papers on his desk, I wonder if he’s allowed to send letters or if he just writes them? One additional detail caught my attention: doesn’t the decoration in the chair by his desk look remarkably similar to the design of Kuras’ earrings? Though there’s different additional elements for each, they both are a circle with three drops underneath it… Which makes me even more convinced that Kuras played a significant part in initially capturing Vere. The comment about “What do you think happened to the other prisoners?” brings to mind Vere’s insistence that if the Senobium realized what the MC is, they’d be leashed as well. I don’t doubt that other Monsters have been kept by them in a similar manner, perhaps some of them also were offered a way to end their suffering by Vere, like he did with MC in his secret/bad ending.

In a tumblr post by the dev team about his lore: “Bloodstained Snow — The Senobium's archives hold countless records of stories that defy belief. One ancient report recounts the haunting of a remote village by what is described at first as a god, and then as a demon. Heavily redacted, the papers depict a team of researchers hunted by a self-proclaimed deity that transforms into a malignant entity. After the beast succumbs to freezing conditions, its ultimate fate is unknown-doubtlessly lost with the pages removed from the report.” I would bet that this is (part of) the reason why Vere dislikes snow… Apart from that, it’s interesting that Vere presented as a god first. History is written by the victors, and I wouldn’t take this recounting as the full truth. If he approached the village like he did with us, at first charming (if a bit unnerving, but deities can afford that) and then started preying on people’s trauma/insecurities, it’s not much of a stretch that they’d label him a demon—and to be fair, his monstrous form doesn’t inspire much safety either. I wonder if he first caught Kuras’ attention (or wrath) by proclaiming himself a god?

I’m also still thinking of Vere being a foil for Mhin: both hunt Soulless, he does out of obligation and they do presumably as a choice in line with their ideals; one leans completely on his Monster side and lets it leak through nonchalantly, the other despises Monsters and hides their own unnatural skills; Vere puts on airs to hide his thoughts, overwhelming you with (effective or not) charm, while Mhin is standoffish and avoids opening up by… well, avoiding you.

Ais

The Exile notices “Not many scars, though. Strange. Save for one cut along his brow, Ais is unmarked for how seasoned he acts.” In a post on tumblr the team answered a question about this particular scar: “Ais’s scar serves as a memento of his first day in the human realm, a stark reminder of all that can be lost. His gang imparted a lesson he’ll never forget, and he returned the favor in kind.” What feels more likely to me, is that he passed through the Shroud with his gang, they had a serious disagreement and/or they betrayed him (we already know from the character sheets and other hints that he doesn’t like being alone, I feel like it’d take something serious for him to turn his back on them), fought and he got injured during this confrontation. Then he found (?) Ocudeus, and we can assume from the fact that the red-eyed woman who lead us to the Seaspring still had visible marks of her previous health, that the Seaspring doesn’t restore wounds, so the wound was already there and didn’t get healed. I don’t think it’s likely that Ais has regenerative powers (also, his knuckles are bruised constantly, and he bleeds when MC bites him).

Leander also says that Ais “doesn’t see humans as equals”. Humans, by their very nature, can’t realistically be a match for the power of a Monster, so Ais wouldn’t consider them on the same level as him. In the same line of thinking, he seems to like more when MC can hold their own, and I feel like it’s connected to his trauma about being betrayed: if people can take care of themselves (like Vere, who’s as dangerous as Ais, and Leander, whom he respects), if he gets betrayed by those he likes, then at least he won’t have to hold back and it will be a fair fight.

When Ais says his old gang “took a walk”, the Exile wonders about this “He knows how to scare people, and he expects submission, but it’s uncommon for someone so used to being in power to be so… alone.” The Exile also has the most positive reaction by far to the Soulless in the Seaspring. When talking with Mhin, the Exile says “[Ais’] Soulless seem to like him though […] There’s a big difference between Ais’ Soulless and that many-eyed Soulless [that attacked me].” Being playful (perhaps even being in groups) isn’t a behavior they usually display, and I wonder how much of that is because they share being under the influence of Ocudeus so they're not hostile to what they consider allies, and how much it could be Ais’ doing instead: if he feels so alone, I would bet that he would (subconsciously or not) use the bond with the Groupmind as a way to feel less isolated, and those feelings impact the behaviour of the Soulless.

Ais talks about “a time where Leander’s resolve will be tested, same for anyone in this plane or the next” I think that the Adderstones remind him of what he had, or could have had. He sees something of himself in Leander, but Ais is jaded by his previous experience. I now wonder if the assassination attempts are his way to test him, make sure he’s ready for whatever comes, something that he feels like he lacked when he was left alone?

The lore post about Ais on the official tumblr reads: “Death Knell — Whispers echo about a fearsome Monster within the Shroud, their overwhelming power and authority stretching across the realm’s underworld. Few have seen the face of this infamous ruler. As Monsters continued to abandon the Shroud to seek thrills in the human realm, the being stayed behind, devouring forsaken domains and Monsters alike until no challenges were left. Now, as the being seeks conquest elsewhere, Monsters stir in anticipation of impending carnage.” This also could reference the time where [everyone’s] resolve will be tested; I wonder if it’s a general comment, about Monsters as a whole (Ais himself likes a good challenge), or if Ocudeus specifically is working towards something. In England, there was a tradition to ring the so called passing bell from the church when someone’s death was imminent; then the death knell when they passed away (there’d be additional rings to signify gender, and age, so that people could get an idea of who it was); and finally the corpse bell when the funeral was being held. If we want to read too much into the cool moniker, perhaps Ais is not meant to be the harbinger of chaos, but merely a warning sign.

The Unnamed will comment about hearing a faint heartbeat pulsing underground, when they first approach the land near the Seaspring. Earlier they also comment about feeling a kind of thrumming in Eridia itself, I wonder how far Ocuseus’ influence expands? Is it limited to where its Groupmind members are?

Leander says that he’s known Ais for around six years, which considering Kuras says that Ais is a recent arrival, could be that he’s passed through the Shroud into Eridia for less than a decade even?

Mhin

They’re EVEN MORE of a nerd in this version. Clearly knowledgeable about Soulless’ biology, even though they deny having studied anatomy or medicine. In an older post on the devs' tumblr, “Mhin was forced to apply their anatomical knowledge to violence in order to survive. After years of bitter experience, they learned to fight with agility, elegance, and surgical precision. Even in Eridia, their skills see more use in combat than healing.” which again makes me think they maybe didn’t formally study them, but being an apprentice to someone isn’t out of the equation (perhaps even Kuras, the Divine Teacher?). Them saying to an Alchemist’s red choice “It’s been a while since I had someone answer [my theories]” hints that they weren’t always alone in leading a life like this, before. Like Leander says about them, “Vulnerability doesn’t get you much except heartache.”

“Something about them is strange, unlike any human or Monster I’ve ever met. I can’t quite place my hand on why, and that’s a first” is what an Unnamed says when first encountering them. Not human, not Monster, but a mix of both—Not enough Monster yet too far gone from Human. A post on the devs’ tumblr depicts Mhin (partially?) transformed: they’re still clearly recognizable, it could be they’re just mid transformation but considering the comment from the Unnamed, I don’t think Mhin can become fully a Monster (like, say, Vere’s shadow fox is also kinda incorporeal but more shaped): it is said that Monster gain more control over their human form as time progresses, so Mhin has probably only recently become like this. The description of “a tar-like substance leaking from their eyes and bony extrusions” matches their pin designs as well as their “costume” in the official 2024 Halloween art, and the tar/blood leaking from their eye matches the pastry on the official 2025 Valentine’s Day art (bottom right corner).

Ais calls them “dove” and considering their Monster form seems to be quite the opposite, black ichory feathers and all, makes me believe that Ais has seen them shifted sometime and is poking fun at it. Or I’m just reading into it too much and it’s about them having white hair and Ais defaulting to bird nicknames for some reason.

The Exile comments “It’s one thing to strike down Soulless. They’re creatures of instinct, aggressive and dangerous to everyone. But Monsters are lucid, thinking beings—beings that Mhin seems to loathe.” It feels like their hatred is brought on by how familiar they are: they know the thoughts that compel a Monster (hence their insistence that MC seeks help from someone less dangerous than them) and they hate that they’re their own thoughts.

In a recent post detailing their daily schedule, it seems to me that Mhin doesn’t sleep, or barely does. I’m more inclined to say that it’s a consequence of their nature, that they haven’t accepted (so they still want to sleep, even if they can’t or don’t need it), similar to how Kuras doesn’t really eat.

Since they both compete in the same field, I wonder if Mhin and Vere first met while hunting Soulless? Do they ever meet while on the same contract, or do they run in different circles?

I don’t think they mentioned this in the first demo, but Mhin says they grew up in Eridia. Which really surprised me, because in the pre-release content they’re referred as “outsider” and “outcast”… Unless that’s changed in the rewrite, maybe they were cast off when they were young, or maybe they weren’t physically exiled but rather their family/group of origin estranged them? “Eridia wasn’t perfect, but it used to be a place worth living in” also could be said in a more subjective sense, Mhin didn’t lead a perfect life but they were satisfied with it before. Moreover, Leander says about them “I’ve known them since they arrived here.” Perhaps they grew up in Eridia, left at some point, and came back later? And when asking Kuras about Mhin, he says “Like you, they’re a recent arrival.” though that could just be that Kuras has a different concept of time, considering he’s centuries old. In any case, I highly doubt it’s just an oversight from the team because so far every detail is very curated. There’s something here about Mhin’s timeline that I can’t quite put my hands on yet.

Now the juiciest bit of info about them yet in my opinion, is on their tumblr lore drop from the studio: “Lost Expeditions — In a bygone era, before Eridia became the last beacon of humanity, there was Lovent. Yet where a bustling metropolis once stood, there is now only a blasted crater and empty ruins, blanketed by fog. The inhabitants, and large chunks of the city, had vanished into thin air. Over the following years, scholars flocked to the ruins in search of answers. Like the Loventians, they disappeared without a trace, and none ever returned.” Lovent is also referenced in another post, as “The previous largest city, Lovent, was the epicenter of the first Fogfall. In the century since, Soulless and Monster incursions destroyed most cities, leaving Eridia as the largest remaining one.” It makes me wonder, if Mhin maybe did grow up in Eridia, went to Lovent either in time to be caught in its destruction, or afterwards to investigate it. It’s possible that this is how they became a Monster… In the description of their flower, there’s also a reference to “barren wastelands to ruins perpetually shrouded in Fogfall” which is way too similar to “empty ruins, blanketed by fog” to be a coincidence. It’s possible that they physically entered the Fogfall/Shroud, and what emerged wasn’t fully them anymore.

Thanks if you read so far, as always I’m always happy to read other thoughts about it all or if I missed something 👀

[wayiiseetheworld]

Espresso

{ Chapter Two }

Summary: Robby's normal shift ends with Abbot's wife in the ER.

Warnings: Jack Abbot x OC!Wife. Established relationship. Age gap marriage.

Word Count: 1,013

Author Note: I am obsessed with Abbot, Robby, and The Pitt. Slowly going to post my stories from A03 on here. Rewatching ER and Animal Kingdom because of this show. Thank you so much for reading! || Not my gif.

A03 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64238392/chapters/164875135

Prev | Finale

Jack felt as if his legs were encased in concrete as Dana led him through the dimly lit corridors of the Pitt, the flickering fluorescent lights buzzing overhead.

He was oblivious to the concerned glances from his coworkers, feeling a strange sense of gratitude for Dana’s silence after she had insisted—almost commanded—that he follow her to the family waiting room on the surgery floor. He didn’t want to go, but deep down, he understood there was no other choice. Each step grew heavier, weighed down by a turbulent mix of emotions—the fear of losing his wife, the fury directed at the person who had harmed her—and an unsettling uncertainty about what awaited them. He desperately hoped that somewhere, someone was doing everything possible to save her. 

“How serious is it?” Jack finally managed to ask, struggling to suppress the tremor in his voice and the panic swelling in his chest. He kept the dark thoughts of losing his wife at his place of work to himself, he knew there was no reason to let those thoughts out of his mouth. For a fleeting moment, he considered calling his wife’s parents, but he needed answers first—answers that would guide his next steps, even though the question felt like a double-edged sword. He didn’t want to know anything if she wasn’t okay. “What did they say? I know you were in the room.”

Dana hesitated, briefly averting her gaze. She didn’t want to lie; she was aware that Jack was too perceptive for that. He would see through any attempt to shield him from the truth. “She has a broken nose, and her face will be bruised all over.” Dana said, taking a breath as she stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors behind him. “The stab wounds are severe. They managed to stop the bleeding from the wound in her thigh, but her stomach was still bleeding when they brought her in.”  

Taking another deep breath, Dana reminded herself of Aila—the kind woman who always ordered meals for every shift twice a week, bringing in coffee mid shift, or giving out free drink coins to her bar when she knew it was a bad week. “They’ve taken her into surgery to address the internal bleeding in her stomach. That’s the biggest concern right now. We won’t know more until they’re finished.”

The next words slipped from Dana’s lips, and she immediately regretted them when she saw the look of anguish on Jack's face. “I think Collins mentioned something about her arm being broken, but she woke up asking for you, and it caught me off guard.”

Jack's heart sank deeper, a sharp pain twisting his stomach as he confronted the horrifying possibility of losing her. “Internal bleeding,” he repeated, the words heavy and foreign in his mouth. As the elevator doors opened to their floor, he hesitated, reluctant to move, but he followed Dana nonetheless. “How did this happen?” He knew it was a futile question—there were no real answers to be found, if what happened last week at The Pitt Fest, bad things happen for no reason. “My god—she was just doing her job; she should be safe!” When Aila woke up and began to heal, they would have a serious talk about her job, but for now, all he could do was cling to hope.

Dana’s expression softened with empathy. “I’m so sorry, Jack—” She noticed he seemed lost in his own thoughts, and her heart ached for him. “Abbot!” she called gently. She felt a twinge of regret for using his last name, but it succeeded in drawing his attention back to her from whatever thoughts were in his head. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but you have to stay strong—for Aila. She’ll need you when she wakes up.”

They arrived at the waiting area outside the operating room, a stark, sterile space engulfed in the distant hum of machines and the hurried footsteps of medical staff, moving like echoes through the night. A wave of nausea washed over Jack; he had never experienced this side of the equation—receiving news rather than delivering it. He was momentarily haunted by memories of the times he had to share heartbreaking news with others.

The reality of Aila’s vulnerability crashed down on him again, and he found himself unable to bear the thought of losing her. She was his salvation, the light in his life, even if she would insist that they had saved each other from the darkness that lurked within.

He murmured to himself, the words too soft for Dana to hear. He knew it sounded irrational, but the thought of losing her weighed heavily on him; he couldn’t shake the belief that if she didn’t survive, he would never forgive himself. “If only maybe…” His voice trailed off into a whisper before he turned to Dana and sank down into one of the hard chairs behind him, letting his head thud against the wall.

“Jack,” Dana said softly, placing her hand on his arm as a comforting anchor. “This isn’t something either of you could have controlled. You had no way of knowing she was in danger; she’s always been okay at work.” Kneeling beside him, she angled her face so he could see her clearly. “They told me she fought back. I asked about the scene, and they found broken bottles and blood. She fought back, Jack. That alone shows she’s a survivor. She will pull through.”

His breath caught at the thought of Aila—strong, resilient Aila—navigating this nightmare all on her own. He could almost hear her laughter echoing through their home from that morning, when she wore his t-shirt from the night before and danced to a Taylor Swift song on their Alexa while waiting for him to return from his shift at the hospital, busy making breakfast. Her warmth lit up his world, and he couldn’t fathom how he would endure the day without her. The prospect of that light fading into darkness was simply unbearable.

[dranna]

Here, I dig my grave

Contents: depression

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I used to think that a dead person’s words and actions die with them. 

Now, as I open my eyes yet again to the blinding, ruthless sun, I know that it’s not true. They dissolve into small pieces sinking deep into everyday life, marking everything they touch. 

I used to sit at that tree to read in my worn, thin clothes. Those old, used books and old shabby fabrics and old never ending hunger. I fancy seeing them and that young creature there still. 

I always knew that grief was something that sank under my skin. I felt it. But I didn’t know that it could be a new set of skin within me. 

Severus woke up in his simple, uncomfortable bed. A few faded sun rays were flying weakly into the room, leaving light yellow lines behind them. They entered uncertainty, looking around in the tight space of Snape’s chamber. 

It was a small room, but densely packed with various kinds of objects. Books were stacked next to one wall of the space opposite the bed. There were so many old, used volumes, their pages yellow and marked with ink, omitting sweet smells of herbs and curses, that they towered till the ceiling. Next to them stood a minor table which was so fully covered with strictly organised glasses, vials and cauldrons, empty or filled with dark liquids, that you couldn’t even tell the original shape of the furniture. 

Above the vials was the only window of the room. You could see a vast and open space behind the frame, showing the shining water of the lake, the gloomy yet mysterious Forbidden Forest and endless hills and valleys beyond the horizon. Life was blooming outside with infinite colours and scents. On the school’s ground you could also see that senior tree, standing lonely and cold. If you listened close enough, you could almost hear the tale it wanted to tell, but the broad spring weather with all its chirping, blooming and shining overwhelmed it's melancholic voice. It remained a frozen fruit of winter amongst the lively spring. 

“To what purpose Spring, do you return again? You can no longer warm me with your empty promises. I’ve said goodbye to you, a long time ago.”

Opposite the books from the right and to the window from the left was Severus’s only bed. It had a shaky structure which yowled to the slightest movement. He got up automatically without a feel, his form moving on its own, following an old routine. 

He looked into the only mirror and he saw a face. But whose face is it? Because I don’t recognise it as my own. Or was it always my face I just forgot? 

The yellow rays were powerless against the icy darkness he felt himself in. His room was lit, yet it seemed to him he was in a slimy darkness that sticked to his outer skin, freezing him until a familiar numbness came. He gazed at the face his mind told him was his. He saw a sickly figure, skinny in stature and in soul, with eyes which reflected the blackness around him in his irises. They looked exhausted and dull, without any ounce of the playfulness nature tends to possess, however they still shone with a strange light.

He turned and looked out of the window to another world, where the wind carried thousands of colors and smells, planting seeds for flowers to grow. The air was light and warm, with the sun shining in its ginger glory above the dying tree. 

“Ginger? How long ago has it been? Since I felt anything but this freezing emptiness?” 

As he looked at the tree he remembered a question that was asked of him countless times. “Why are you always wearing black?”. He didn’t answer then. However now, as he was looking out of his gloomy cell, he knew. 

I’m mourning the person who I could’ve been. 

[the-starry-traveller]

I am aware I should answer some of your questions: I am less of a Charlatan and more of a Deal maker. The catch, It has to be equal to what you wish for(, for example):

If you wish to have better hearing, you will be blind (The Inverse is true).

If you wish for someone close to wake up from a coma, someone else will have to enter a coma.

If you want to stop a terrible event from happening to you, a terrible event will happen to someone else in your family.

If you want a recipe, you'll have to give me a recipe (Ones that's like this where nothing but simple knowledge is gained cannot be reversed)

Best part, all can be reversed if you cannot handle the deal (Once per deal made), I am the first (And most trustworthy) last-resort you should use...

You do not have to bow, kneel or beg, all you have to do is call my name, and we can talk from there...

Reminder: All you need to do is translate (Binary then numbers to letters) and call my name... 00110111 - 00110001 00110101 - 00110001 00110010 - 00110100 -Kind regards.... 00110111 - 00110001 00110101 - 00110001 00110010 - 00110100

Sacrifice....

Every pony knows that I have few family members left. Either way, something bad will happen to one of my loves if I make the request, huh?

My son for Sunburst. Or else what... my sister in law Cadence or young filly Flurry Heart? Also, that binary translates to "G O L D".

Right... I better find the truth on my own. I think I'm going crazy. - Twilight Sparkle

@a-spoonful-o-generosity

I'm starting to see why some choices from anons are crazy now...

((The next ask reply will take longer as I figure out some things lol - Mod))

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 17 "all souls" thoughts

omg!! after complaining of lack a of scully last time, this episode’s description specifically mentions her by name- and with a priest, too! is it time for scully catholic lore?! i am so excited! i fear i should lower my expectations, but it sounds promising!

it’s been a solid week since i’ve watched an episode, so i’m ready to dive in. 

post episode thoughts: idk, this one didn't really do it for me. and i don't know exactly what "it" is. despite checking many of the boxes that i think personally make a great episode (solo scully time and catholic guilt to name a few) this one felt just... too dark and convoluted for me. i literally had no idea what was going on, and then when i started to pick up on it, we circled back to the emily story, which still makes me feel very frustrated and i feel they could have handled it so much better. it also, once again, denies scully any autonomy, which is very frustrating.

surprisingly, in this scully-centric episode, the MVP for me was... mulder? yes, i'm genuinely shocked. he was so protective and caring even while being very grumpy. the way he leaned in to grab her shoulder... calling her back in the rain... gently teasing her and then realizing it wasn't a teasing sort of situation... wow.

and also, as i mentioned before, he looked really good. arguably at his best here.

(this might be my longest post so far LMAO)

very dramatic music is playing as this priest arrives at a house to baptize a young girl. i actually know very little about the whole baptismal process, so maybe this is accurate and maybe it’s not.

this girl, dara, has been baptized, and now the thunder is going wild, which seems spooky. 

also, she either has 6 toes or i cannot count.

did she get out of bed on her own despite not being able to walk before??? and now she’s walking towards a scary man while hearing evil voices. 

she’s on her knees praying to this guy who her father cannot see…. and HER EYEBALLS ARE BURNT OUT OF HER HEAD????????

huh. hey. a lot of things just happened very quickly. 

did the holy water burn her eyes? is she supposed to be a demon? i thought they were going to go with the “holy water healed her” route, which has its own problematic implications, but whatever these implications are, i’m lost. 

(author's note: and i was going to stay lost <3)

shortened intro, i clock you each and every time

scully is entering a church!!! she has on a blouse and not a suit, which feels strange. OHHH, SHE PULLS OUT THE BABY PICTURE OF MELISSA :(

god. she keeps it on her. i'm emotional.

it’s confession time. she’s talking to the confessor about her FBI work coming in conflict with her beliefs. it was father mccue who we saw before baptizing dara, and he said this family needed scully's help. hmm... what for?

scully is crying. OH MY GOD “father, i had a daughter who died” <- WHAT?? ARE THEY ACTUALLY GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS?????

i'm shook. i thought we were simply never going to speak of emily again.

so father mccue thought that helping this family would help scully process her grief… 

SHE’S SAYING SHE DOESN’T KNOW IF HE CAN OFFER FORGIVENESS? SHE LET A GIRL DIE??

woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, let’s go back a few steps……. oh my god. did scully need more grief to wear like an iron backpack? NO. WHAT HAPPENED HERE???

let a girl die. what. i just cannot imagine scully "letting" this happen??

a week earlier she had gone to easter mass. and she looks so beautiful in white and cream :,)

father mccue wants to speak to her in private. this church seems like it’s hopping, so it must be pretty important.

she’s been coming more often!!! :,) aww i'm happy for her. don't tease her too much father mccue, i'm watching...

but he needs her help. the kernofs lost their daughter dara in a very strange situation. and he thinks that her words might help them.

she looks so pained at this moment. but she goes anyway. god. god. scully. feeling obligated to help despite visibly not wanting to. knowing it will tear her open again. and doing it anyway.

frankly, it seems a bit cruel of father mccue to send her on this mission, but maybe he sees things with a lens i, a mere layperson, cannot

she’s chatting with the couple and they’re explaining how they adopted dara. lance (the father) is angry at god. 

they’re saying she might have been struck by lightning??? she was wheelchair bound and somehow got up, walked out, and was praying. struck by lighting... that would be so weird

the mother says something about god letting this happen to an innocent girl and god. emily. i am still mad at your plot line for feminist reasons, but grief. new grief and old grief and inexplicable screaming at the sky.

back in the confessional booth, scully says she felt drawn to the couple. they were angry at god, and so was she, although she refuses to say that.

“as much as i have my faith, father, i am a scientist. trained to weight evidence. but science only teaches us how… not why” <- OHHHHHHH toss that in the bucket of quotes i will use to psychoanalyze dana scully forever and ever

now she’s chatting with the doctor, who also says that maybe dara was struck by lightning. she asks if scully is religious, and scully replies with “why do you ask?”, which i think is very interesting as a character choice for her to put that space between directly answering. especially since they're in a lab setting. it's less of a pause of making a purposeful separation between faith and science, imo, and more of a cautiousness that comes from thinking her faith will somehow be taken advantage of. but it’s also funny because her cross necklace is very visible. so. you can guess the answer to that question.

dara was found genuflecting??? even in death. and there’s a scar on her hand from where an extra finger was removed. but i def saw an extra toe earlier.

no other signs of trauma… “it’s as if god himself struck her down” oh…

this is going to be a very un-fun time for scully.

who is this man with an upside down cross in his car, entering a psychiatric hospital?

there’s another girl in the hospital, who also has extra fingers. it seems this new father gregory character has come to adopt this paula! but there was a mix-up. there was no approval from the social worker, and he cannot take her home until the paperwork is in order.

but social worker seems like he is lying… based on that zoom in shot…. i know this show and its narrative tricks...

scully is at home looking at the photos of dara, then pulling out the photo of melissa :( oh god :( she really has lost so much :(

she’s biting back tears as she answers the phone. she must be really out of it, because she answered with “hello” and not “scully” like always :(

it’s mulder, somewhere in a phone booth in the pouring rain! oh god bless that man, finding a phone booth to call her back from even while out and about. 

he’s tailing a potential suspect but still makes time for the call, even though he's in a hurry… then he runs into an x rated film showing. now, what is going on with that? hope you catch the guy, buddy.

he wants to know more, but she cannot tell him anything until he gets the birth records on dara :(

back to paula at the hospital. someone is approaching…. and when he approaches, she also hears the scary voices and genuflects like the other girl did!!! and there is a huge flash!!!

what is going on.

scully is at the scene, and finds the cross in her room hung upside down. is satan afoot.....?

MULDER ENTERS!!! “aren’t you the secret squirrel” <- LMAOOOO WHAT A WEIRD THING TO SAY!!! let the record show that this man is my baby girl.

ohhhh, she quietly explains she’s doing this as a favor :( i think he gets the idea not to press or make any other rodent comparisons

but he starts nerding out over the implications of the flipped cross. maybe the guy he was tailing last night is the same guy who did this?

(author's note: there was actually no relation whatsoever, and i think the writers just meant him watching the scandalous film as a weird gag, but for a brief moment there, i thought the narrative stars were going to align. alas!)

anyway, paula and dara were sisters!! they were quadruplets!! so there must be 2 more out there, and they must be in danger!!

(mulder has this five o clock shadow thing going on, and it’s kinda intoxicating)

“look scully, i know you don’t really want my help on this, but can i offer you my professional opinion?” (she nods, almost smiling) “you got a bona fide, super-crazy religious wacko on your hands”

average mulder sentence. he points out the prevalence of eye imagery in the bible, of gouging and smiting and other such cases. and in walks the social worker, who is sure there was not a cross on the wall there before!!

i’m overcome by something pulling at my heart strings while looking at mulder and scully standing together.

paula was about to be adopted, so they journey to church of st. peter the sinner, which has the upside down cross iconography outside and a sign that reads “the darkness is upon us” oh boy! i feel very welcomed /s

mulder is coming too because he is a nice guy in his leather jacket and jeans :)

he really has no life, huh…. god bless him

(i feel like he is in some sort of league basketball every other weekend, and probably goes to the library very often, but this is likely the extent of his social life. aside from sleepovers with the gunmen, of course. and that can be so beautiful)

they find a book of st. peter the sinner, and he immediately identifies it as full of apocrypha!!! which is hot. while someone seems to be watching them from a corner. less hot.

“i’m surprised there’s nothing here from jesus christ superstar” <- A MAN OF CULTURE???????

(i know this man is singing showtunes in his car. oh, i just KNOW it. and i bet he WOULD love jcs. and he was at oxford when some big west end shows were playing: phantom, les mis, evita, cats. a 2 hour bus ride from oxford to london is nothing for a massachusetts boy. just keep these facts in mind while making headcanons)

((and i do feel like he grew up watching musicals, too. just seems like something that happened in that household. they had the money to go see live theatre, but he also grew up in a golden age of movie musicals. idk, just try and tell me he didn't hear songs from west side story and the music man in his house growing up. i bet he thought it was annoying as a kid that his mother was always playing them, but now he looks back at it with fondness. whatever))

they break the news to father gregory that paula has died, which he didn’t know, and he seems to be overcome with emotion as he says he was trying to adopt her. yeah. this is unfortunate.

mulder asks why he wanted to adopt her and he is NOT messing around

“why adopt her?”, he asks. “what, you think i was interested in harming her?” “why. adopt. her” <- OHHH he is NOT going to be going easy on this case when scully’s heart’s on the line!!! everyone say thank you to protective mulder!!

father gregory says he knew the girl’s mother and was trying to protect her, but when they ask who the mother is, he says she died. hmm. yeah. i think having 4 babies at once is pretty unsafe. i can imagine this happening.

but still... he said he knows where she is… and then says she died. which is suspicious. like, why not just say she’s dead? i feel like he's lying.

father gregory says that he used to be in the roman catholic church and he was her confessor before he started his own church, and divulging her name would violate his code of faith. okay, that is great and all. but her kids are being murdered, so maybe pray on it and ask god if you can make a special exception.

this dude is very strange. 

“and yours, i see” he says, glancing at scully’s necklace

ohh…. allow mulder to stride in angrily. “you said you wanted to protect paula. from what?” yeah that is right. you don't let him mess with her.

what the fuck? this dude is so off putting. “whatever your intentions, your secular prejudices blind you from seeing what’s really happening here. two girls are dead- not by the hand of man. unless you accept the truth of god’s teachings that there is a struggle between good and evil for all souls, and that we are losing that struggle, you’re but fools rushing in. you put your own lives in danger. as well as the lives of the messengers”

(deeply pensive scully as father gregory walks away and someone continues to pant from the corner of his church)

wow. so i guess he thinks god just kills poor kids sometime for fun. sounds like a great god. i sure do want to join your church and worship him now. /s

(i'm still so baffled after watching the episode. so he thought the demons were killing the kids? it wasn't god doing the killing? but god lets demons kill kids sometimes unless people like him intervene? but actually it was the seraphim killing the kids and bringing them home to good? which would be a good thing, right? i just don't know what this episode was trying to sayyyyyy)

back to scully in confession. she brought mulder on the case “to help temper my feelings… to keep them from clouding my judgement. i wouldn’t admit it to him, but… as well stood there, i felt as if father gregory were speaking directly to me. in a language only i could understand”

well. i don’t understand it either, so i can’t analyze it. i'm sorry, queen, because i love to analyze you. but i'm glad she brought him along for the ride.

mulder holds the door open for her as they leave, and remarks on how gregory seems deeply suspicious (“he thinks he’s doing god’s laundry” is an exquisite line)

he’s definitely hiding something. 

“but, basically, you’re ruling out any element of the supernatural?” (careful mulder pause) “what do you mean?” 

ohhh, are they going to have this fight again? he seems to be holding something back. like he's trying to carefully measure his words despite being pissed off.

she points out that dara was baptized before she died

“and why would god allow this to happen, and why do bad things happen to good people? religion has masqueraded as the paranormal since the dawn of time to justify some of the most horrible acts in history” (heavy massachusetts accent when he says "horrible", btw, just noting that)

“i was raised to believe that god has his reasons, however mysterious” 

“he may well have his reasons, but he seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out his job orders”

wow. there’s so much to analyze there.

well, it's not outright denial of her beliefs, which is an improvement from before. he can clearly pick up on how much this case is impacting her, which i commend, especially for a guy whose ahab tendencies in the past have caused him to be oblivious to all things emotional. i will never be over that time he was like "i'm sorry your dog died :( btw i think we are dealing with the loch ness monster who somehow made his way to america. here are a bunch of dinosaur facts-"

mulder says she should autopsy paula before whoever it is has a chance to find her sisters. i think this is a fair judgement.

he is cranky. but he was trying to hold back. and i do appreciate that. cranky man who needs to shave. has he ever looked better??

i get the sense that this is one of those episodes i’ll have to rewatch to analyze more stuff in later. if i can bring myself around to it.

autopsy time. she finds something on both of paula's shoulders.

OH MY GOD, SHE LOOKS OVER AND SEES EMILY ON THE TABLE??!!

SHE STARTS CRYING??? AND SHE HEARS EMILY SAY “MOMMY PLEASE”???

BUT SHE TURNS BACK AND THE BODY WAS JUST PAULA??!!

hey. what. hey. emily jumpscare. what does this mean? she knew that alien child for like 2 weeks. please do not spiritually torment her.

back in the confessional booth, she says she wrote off what she saw as a hallucination based on her emotional connection to the case, but she clarified that is not what it was

damn. little did this confessor know he was in for a WILD story time when she sat down.

she says she was meant to see emily for a purpose. so she could save them. taking on the need to save others... this is such a scully thing to do.

mulder on da phone. he has a lead on the third sister!! 

(dramatic sunglasses removal as they stake out the area)

why does he look so good?? it’s making it hard to focus on the tragic plot at hand. 

he says the third sister wandered into a teen crisis center, which is odd because the other two could not walk at all. and scully points out that there’s some sort of degenerative bone disease in paula.

“and uh, i know you’re going to think that i’m crazy… but i swear i found evidence of something winglike”

DOES SHE THINK THESE GIRLS ARE ANGELS BEING BROUGHT BEFORE GOD FOR CRIMES?? THE REBELLIOUS ONES LIKE LUCIFER?

“well then, maybe she flew here, scully” <- lmao. not totally appropriate for him to say, but lmao.

uh oh… he finds another upside down cross outside the joint. she has more to say, but he has to go.

someone is chasing another girl… LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!

mulder approaches...

and this girl, too, hears more of those horrible overlapping voices, there’s a dude with the face of an alien (angel? devil?) and the blinding light?? and she’s doing the same pose as the others!! the genuflection!!

MULDER HAS HIS GUN…. who is here?! it’s father gregory!!! he says it’s too late!!! and that the girl is dead!!!!

and sure enough, her eyes are burned out as well, as a dove flies to the light. i see what you did there, souls ascending and all that.

(but i thought she was taken by the devil, so the soul going to the light seems contradictory... you know what? never mind ❤️)

now they have father gregory brought in for questioning, and mulder has a casual shirt on, which looks strange. “you know, they say when you talk to god it’s prayer, but when god talks to you, it’s, uh, schizophrenia” (he smiles at his own joke)

“you’re not interested in the truth” “i am ONLY interested in the truth!!” <- do not get between this man and his Truth. rest assured, that is his God

all jokes and jests have been forgotten at this point. he’s screaming at father gregory, asking what could possess him to burn those poor girls’ eyes out, with scully watching in the back. 

father gregory makes scully explain the upside down cross… st. peter would only be crucified upside down. out of reverence for christ. sure. okay. seems weird he makes her explain it. feels manipulative somehow.

(very interesting how the upside down cross represents both st. peter and the devil... makes following the plot of this episode even harder)

he says he has risked his life to protect their souls because the devil wants them. well, idk if you’re doing a very good job, tbh. you're 0/3. 

(mulder glares at him before leaving the room) 

but father gregory taunts scully, saying she knows what they are, and if the devil finds her, his victory will be complete. 

man, idk what they’re talking about :(

they think they found the fourth girl, and father gregory asks to be let go or else no one can save her. scully explains in confession that she knew she was meant to save her.

she says the devil didn’t take their souls, but the threat was real, and he gave his life to protect them.

anyone wanna tell me what’s going on?

back to the case. mulder's talking to her and then he asks what’s wrong. ohhh, he bends down to look in her eyes. “scully? scully. don’t let this guy get in your head. that’s the last thing you want” <- oh my god, he’s worried :((((

"you’re not going to find her. i think you’re being misled", she says

“by who?" (heavy pause) "scully, i think you’re the one who’s being misled. and not just willingly, but willfully. i’ve never seen you more vulnerable or susceptible or more easily manipulated. and it scares me because i don’t know why”

he is at once doing his very best and still manages to be a bit condescending, but he is also doing a very good job, at least for him, of saying what he means. so i’m proud

“i saw emily” OHHH she says it. i thought she would keep it to herself “she came to me in a vision”

he grabs her shoulder and pulls her in close: “i think you should step away” ohhh :( ohhh no :(

she tells him to go find the girl and let her finish up with father gregory, and he takes the case file from her hand, lingering over it, holding onto the image of the last girl 

the case worker made his way into father gregory’s room!! asking where she is!! “the others were taken from me” hey, who are you? 

oh my god, he starts burning father gregory????? “tell me father. save yourself” is he the devil?? a demon??

scully goes to talk to him again and the door is locked. father gregory is dead on the floor!! all burnt up!!!

mulder is arriving at the house of the fourth girl.  he is NOT playing around. her father says she’s at school, and he points out she hasn’t been at school for a week. he won’t unlock the basement door, so mulder is going to kick it open. 

her father is saying a priest would take her off his hands!! father gregory said he would take her and let him keep the disability checks!!

huh.......

scully is getting to her car, but she gets a call. “yeah, hi scully, it’s me” aww

(she drops her keys and hears the horrible demon voices as mulder yells at her on the phone to answer him)

before her is a bird alien lion thing???????? the CGI goes crazy!!!

poor mulder is yelling to her while she is witnessing the plot of revelations irl. he's gotta be so worried.

back to talking to father mccue. she says she has seen things. visions. a man with four faces. 

this is troubling to father mccue, who fetches his bible. he’s showing her a page. it has an angel with four faces, which he calls a seraphim. the seraphim fathers four children with a mortal woman, whose babies are the nephelim, the fallen ones. souls of angels, but weren’t meant to be, they’re deformed and tormented. so the seraphim smites them with his glory and they go back to god?

i do not remember this story from sunday school.

“you think that’s what i saw?” “no” <- oh, i didn’t think he would say that… i thought he would be supportive. actually pretty gagged here.

“no. i think what you saw is a figment of your imagination, a half-remembered story from your childhood that surfaced because of this case” <- is he trying to be helpful here?? reassuring?? dismissive??? 

she insists that she saw it. and i cannot get a read on father mccue.

“the text in which it appears isn’t even recognized by the church” <- okaaay, that makes me feel better for not knowing the story.

he is certain god has his reasons. it is how he rewards our fate. which is a nice thing to think about.

the case worker is here, claiming mulder has been trying to reach her. there is latin chanting as they go to father gregory’s church. everything is quiet and the footsteps are clear. 

ohhhh she sees devil horns in his reflection… and he says he knows the last girl here. 

and she finds the girl!!! she was who was watching them earlier!! he’s yelling out to her…. 

she says she won’t hurt the girl, that she’ll get her out of there, take her someplace safe.

she’s trying to guide her out and the demon is saying to bring her the girl. but she’s trying to go forward to him!! 

emily is here?? “mommy, let me go” HUH?? let her go to the DEVIL??? she lets emily go and she walks into the light???

scully is crying. the demon is gone, leaving behind only the dead girl. 

(author's note: i'm pretty sure i actually misunderstood this scene, and the seraphim came and intercepted the girl from the devil- at least, that is what wikipedia says happened. but this was not very clear, and you can imagine my shock at the thought of scully releasing her dead child to the devil. which will make my confusion in the following paragraphs make more sense)

back to the confession… she was sure she was releasing the last girl's soul to heaven. but she cannot reconcile this with the physical fact of her death.

“has it occurred to you that maybe this, too,  is part of what you were meant to understand?”

”you mean, accepting my loss

“can you accept it?”

“maybe that’s what faith is”, she says, crying 

the end.

hmm. hmm.

so scully couldn’t reconcile bringing that girl to heaven with her actual death. 

but i was so confused, i swear the caseworker had horns, like he was the devil!! but then i guess the seraphim swooped in?

so she can only understand the loss of emily through faith, which makes sense, but the emily plot line still makes me frustrated, so idk how i feel. 

you ever get so confused you go to wikipedia?

so the devil took their souls? the devil being the social worker? but then at the last minute the seraphim took the last girl and brought her to heaven even though she died.

so the devil actually got the first three girls? but the bird went up to the light, and scully said she was confident they went to a better place? so must be the bright light guy was the seraphim and he saved them from the caseworker?

listen. listen. i’m going to throw my hands up in the air and admit defeat on this one. i don’t know what the hell went on. but i do believe it was important to scully.

i also believe it was an attempt to wrap up the emily plot line and that it probably won’t ever be addressed again in a meaningful manner because woohoo! we did it! we wrapped it up! /s

hmm. hmm. mulder did endear me today. he was cranky, but he genuinely wanted what was best for her. i think. even if he was lying about tailing a suspect to go watch some illicit films. and i don’t want to think about that. it’s far funnier to imagine him actually tailing someone and having to watch that as a result. 

after watching this episode, i feel very strange. i mentioned before it just didn't do "it" for me, and again, whatever "it" is, i couldn't tell you. but i can tell you this: i am desperate for scully to reclaim agency in her life. and i find that subjecting her to divine will is not agency. maybe you could interpret what happened here as god testing her, or offering her a way to understand her pain, or perhaps even taking god out of the equation, because of the unconfirmed nature of all supernatural elements of this show, she is imagining all of this as a way to deal with her pain. but it doesn't really allow her any freedom or autonomy.

i don't think i can fully articulate my qualms with this episode without diving into the murky waters of if god allows for free will, which is above my pay grade. but i will say this: it felt like scully was thrust into this situation, and her own free will was once again denied, whether you think it is due to father mccue getting her involved or god using her to save these girls and wrestle with the nature of faith versus reality.

and i want to see scully make her own choices. this is a critique of the writers, and not of the fictional character of scully. why is she consistently denied her ability to make choices about her own life? why is she put into these situations that deny her the ability to make choices? why does this happen to the woman in the show and not the man? why does it focus heavily on her ability to bear children? you see what i'm saying? why is the plot happening TO scully but being driven forward BY mulder?

i feel like it is hard for me to analyze what happened in this episode because so little of it involved scully making her own choices. she did choose to get involved with father mccue's request, and she chose to find meaning in her experiences, and even chose to communicate the distress she was in with mulder, but plot wise it was "god is torturing scully again. does he have no one else to torture?"

the emily thing is still always going to rub me the wrong way. it was always clear from the start of the abduction arc that the plot was going in this direction, but that doesn't make me like it any better.

in conclusion: i didn't like this one because i feel it, once again, relied on removing scully's agency and autonomy, and after 5 seasons this is growing old. also, i didn't know the seraphim lore, so i had no idea what was going on.

what did you think? specifically my scully fans: do you agree with my critiques? am i being a hater? did you know what was going on? did you like this episode? i'm always down to listen to someone try and convince me to like an episode! i need to know everything in brutal detail.

[moinsbienquekaworu]

If I didn't already have multiple drawings I want to finish I'd start a series of Constant interacting with their companions. I already have ideas and everything!!

[soupacool]

congrats on taking T and experiencing voice changes, that's so exciting!! 🥳🥳✨✨

thank you!!! it's been a period of intense learning of myself and my place in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything